Once

Saw the movie "Once" today. It's beautiful. Just loved it. Go see it!

Today is Day 2 of my master cleanse. I can't believe how NOT hungry I am! Going well...feeling good!

Sleep / Master Cleanse

I need sleep. I hardly slept at all last night. Maybe got an hour or two. I've somehow spiraled out of control with my insomnia. For awhile I was getting into bed at midnight and finally falling asleep at maybe 2am but now it's stretched to 3:30am-4am.

I had to come into work today and I'm about to fall asleep at my desk. If I could just get a 30 minute nap I'd be okay. I might bail and go home. I can't believe I've made it to 2pm actually. Proud of myself.

Especially since I started a MASTER CLEANSE today and haven't eaten anything. I know I'm supposedly getting all the vitamins and nutrients I need but ME LIKEY FOOD! Although this drink tastes much better than I thought it would and I'm looking forward to cleaning out my system.

And a good thing is that I think [knock on wood] the Blue Jay that was torturing me outside my window every morning at 6:30am has finally moved on. Mating season ends in July so I hope he finally got himself some and has moved on.

C'est la vie, fucker.

I'm Not Settling

I was watching the movie "Something New" tonight and it has one of the best sex scenes I've ever seen. It was at first so hot that I got really turned on...then it was so beautifully intimate that I shed some tears.

Took me completely off guard.

The past few months have been difficult. It didn't really hit me until I saw the scene in this movie.

Simon Baker's character really "sees" Sanaa Lathan's character for who she could be. She's closed off, you see, but he sees her potential and brings out the best in her. She can finally be herself around him.

I was suffocating dating Dave. For four months I never felt like I could truly be myself. On top of that, he made me feel like I was completely replaceable. I fit a mold for him. I looked nice enough to accompany him to dinner. Conversation was decent. I was someone he could bring to BBQ's and I got along with all his couple friends. But that's it. He didn't really care about me. Not the way I deserve.

It's hard to let go of that because it's a tough blow to my ego. How could he not see me? But he's not worth any more of my time. Enough.

Toronto Joe on the other hand really "saw" me and made me feel like I was special. That's even harder to let go of. We emailed recently. It was good. We're friends. Made me feel great because I've never connected with a man the way I did with him so for us to be able to remain friends means a lot.

The scene in this movie reminded me a lot of what it felt like to be with him. I miss feeling that way.

I've spoken recently with a couple guy friends of mine about how they work so much that they're often times too tired for sex. I started to think that I was going to have to settle in that area of life.

But after seeing the scene in this movie - and yes, I realize I'm letting a fictional scene in a movie heavily influence me - I've decided...

I'M NOT SETTLING!

I need passion! I'm a passionate person and I need someone passionate as well. That's the most important lesson learned from dating Joe and then the opposite, Dave.

I'M NOT SETTLING!

I love life and spontaneity and surprises and passion and kissing and sex.

I'm not settling.

Hong Kong? Touch My Toes?

So a mere 3 weeks after I announce to everyone in Atlanta that I'm moving home...I change my mind and instead might be moving to Hong Kong.

What the fuck is my problem?

I just might be one of those people that's never satisfied and never able to settle down or stick with one life plan.

Hopefully not but time will tell, right?

Rich Cousin Randy was in town this week and brought up the idea of me assisting his family again. A few years ago I never would've taken that job because it won't challenge me or allow me live up to my potential, but now...? Priorities change.

I've been looking for a job for several months and have only seen one or two that sound interesting enough and inspire me to subject myself to the torture that is composing a cover letter. But I haven't had any connections to those jobs so my resume surely got lost amongst the hundreds submitted. I'm thinking that I just need to make some good money for awhile and Randy might be the best solution - if only temporary.

So somehow I find myself in life limbo once again. It's a familiar place I know well but am not fond of.

I'm reeeeeeeeeeally looking forward to having the next conversation with Randy. If he pays me the right amount of money I'll probably do it. To live in Hong Kong would be crazy but it would only be for a year. Then I'd go to London with them which would be amazing. Work for another year, have some once-in-a-lifetime type experiences and then re-evaluate everything. Again.

OR - I could find a dream job tomorrow in NY or Atlanta and toss all of that out the window. To be "glass half full" for a moment my life could be a lot worse. These are pretty fucking cool options that a lot of people would love to have.

"Meet the Parents" is on TV right now. I'm not sure when Ben Stiller turned the corner and went from the "funny Tom Cruise" who's work I really enjoyed to a total douchebag but it definitely happened.

I thought I was going to get some action last night and I got a little bit but not what I was hoping for. Fuckin' A. Got some good snuggle time in though which always feels good.

I might start taking yoga. I think it'll really help me with my anxiety (and I won't have to become a pothead which was my other idea) and my flexibility which is shit. I've never been able to touch my toes and I really want to. I'm like that guy who's gut is so big he can't see his feet.

Okay, it's really nothing at all like that but I'm hungover. Shut up.

That'll be my mid-year resolution. Touch my toes by Christmas. It's random but something I can control in my life when everything else is all over the place.

And now I shall watch "Meet the Parents" because I'm too braindead to do anything else.

Lost Things, Noah & Bret Michaels

I went to a play tonight that a coworker of mine is acting in called "Lost Things" and it was really good. There were a few other people from work there. I don't like a couple of them. After the play we had an awkward moment. Do we want to hang out together after the play? My answer was a big, fat "no" and I figured the rest of them were thinking the same thing. If we had wanted to hang out we were in the perfect neighborhood (my neighborhood) and there were 1,000 places to go.

But instead we said, "Well, see you tomorrow" and all separated. So sad. I wish I worked with more people I liked. I love the girl that was in the play though. She's so smart and fun and sincere. I'm excited for her that she's in a great play.

I ran into Sarah's friend and former LA roommate (I WAS THE BETTER ROOMMATE), Noah, at the play. His company is trying to record the music for it (it's a musical). I've run into 4 different people in the street in the NYC. So crazy given that I know about 8 people.

So I walk around my neighborhood after the play looking for something to eat and I'm sad because there are SO many GREAT places to sit outside and eat but I have no one to eat with. Pathetic.

I get home and am too tired to read my book so I flip the channels and find the Bret-Michaels-is-searching-for-love show.

Perrrrfect.

The show is so damn entertaining but the best part is at the end when Bret has to put a backstage pass around the neck of a girl he likes and he asks her, "Will you stay in the house and continue to rock my world?"

Awesome.

After that, I half-ass watched the Scott-Baio-has-fucked-everyone-in-Hollywood-and-needs-a-lifecoach-and-is- 45-and-single show. After that I had to turn off the TV. I felt dirty.

Lane Greene

Went to Lane Greene's birthday party last night. Friend from high school. He writes for The Economist and is one of the smartest people I know. He speaks 6 languages and is working on his 7th...Arabic. Amazing.

I was there until 4am and wasn't even the last one to leave. Needless to say, I had a great time at the party. Talked at length with another guy that I haven't seen since high school. I was never friends with him back then and now we have so much in common and he was really fun to get to know. I love when that happens.

And what's even better/crazier is that he's looking for a copy editing job. So he could possibly be my replacement when/if I leave my website job. Would be interesting if that worked out. Passing the Pope High School torch. Go Greyhounds!

Lane's 6-year old son was at the party running around. He....never....stopped....... running. Never. That kid has so much friggin' energy. I don't know if I can handle kids. I know it's tough to picture yourself being a parent until you ARE a parent. And then you learn what you're made of but still...

I really wouldn't mind living a "selfish" life and have it be just me and my hot husband traveling the world together.

This is him waiting for me in our pool:













And this is him waiting to take me on a motorcycle ride throughout Italy:













And this is him with our dog, Como. We named him after the Italian town where we have a lake house:













Isn't he great? I'm such a lucky girl. See? Kids, schmids.

Me vs. Blue Jay

I just got a good look at the bird that wakes me up every morning and found a picture online and it's a blue jay.



This is what a website said about the sound a blue jay makes:

The Blue Jay issues loud cries to warn other birds and mammals of an approaching predator, and often, with no apparent cause. The 19th-century writer Henry David Thoreau described the Blue Jay’s most characteristic sound as an "unrelenting steel-cold scream”.

Isn't there a bird trap I could buy? Like a mouse trap? This fucking bird is going to be the death of me.

Talk to Me

Go see this movie! It's funny and good and Don Cheadle is wonderful. And Chiwetel Ejiofor is...well...wanting to have sex with me.

What do you mean, "How do I know?" I KNOW! He [ummm] TOLD me...that's how I know!

Seriously. He said he did.

A whole lot.

So, like, shut up.

It's none of your BUSINESS when it's gonna to happen! It'll happen when it happens! God!

As soon as he gets back from shooting his current film in Minsk.

I don't know, but that's what he told me on the phone last night. Before we had phone sex for like 3 hours.

Yes, huh! We did TO!








<--- ANYWAY...shut up and LOOK at his lips! I couldn't stop staring at them during the movie. I felt bad because he had some good actin' goin' on but...just...look at 'em.

Birds

I fucking hate birds.

I have high anxiety and therefore can't shut my brain off at night to sleep. My current routine is to go to bed at midnight and get up at 9am. Which would be GREAT but when I go to bed I don't go to sleep.

I lie there thinking about all sorts of things for a few hours.

So about 3am I finally get that feeling that sleep is about to take over and I go to sleep.

Again, sleeping from 3am until 9am would be GREAT.

But the fucking birds.

They come every morning at 6:30am squaking and fighting right outside my bedroom window. The noise from my A/C unit combined with ear plugs are no defense against their violent screams.

So I've been maaaaaybe getting about 3 - 3 1/2 hours sleep and then spending the time from 6:30am until 9am trying to go back to sleep. Which means going in and out of consciousness and having crazy dreams. Then finally rolling out of bed at 9am-ish (I use "ish" liberally) but not before lifting the 100 lbs. of steel lying on top of me.

Okay, there's no steel but it feels like there is.

So this morning I gave into the fucking birds and just got up at 6:30am. I'm going to try to train my body to go to sleep earlier and try being a morning person.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Central Park

Yesterday I woke up late. Cleaned the apartment. Then thought what better way to spend a Sunday afternoon in NY then to have a little picnic for myself in Central Park? I had a new book and want to start reading it. Perfect!

So I grabbed my HBO "Band of Brothers" fleece blanket and headed outside. It was hot as HELL. I had no idea it was so muggy out. But, that's okay. I had a little dress on so I'd be good.

I headed to Murray's Cheese shop for some goodies. I got on the train, went all the way up to the park and realized I forgot my book. And of course I only had $1 left on me after buying the stuff at Murray's so I couldn't buy a newspaper or a magazine to read.

Lovely.

[Siggghhhhh]...that's okayyyyy...I'd listen to my iPod and hang out and relax. I was in CENTRAL PARK for Christ's Sake. Life was good!

I found a spot under the shade so it only felt like 90 degrees instead of 95. Laid my blanket out, sat awkwardly in my dress so as not to pull a Britney (all of my shorts were dirty and I didn't have enough cash to get my laundry), and started eating my salad.

I finished eating in about 5 minutes. Huh. Okayyyy, NOW what?

I noticed that my feet are in dire need of a pedicure. Then I noticed an errant hair on my left heel that I must have missed every time I've shaved for the past month because it's about an inch and a half long. That's attractive.

The lady next to me has a baby that likes to cry. Why must babies cry when I'm trying to have a nice, relaxing afternoon in the park?

This is what I wanted:



This is what i got instead:



I remembered that I had my iPod. Aha! I shall defeat your crying baby with a tune from.....Pink? No, not in the mood. Save it for my power walk. How aboooooooout....Ryan Adams? Nice. Very relaxing. Very Central Park-y.

Even though it only took me 5 minutes to eat my salad it was just enough time to attract the flying bugs. There was only one at first so no big deal. But then a couple more came. Then some crawly critters made their way onto my blanket. I started thinking I might put off that whole African Safari idea for like...forever.

So I was sitting alone on my fleece blanket in 90 degree heat...in a dress...so I was sitting with my legs tucked under me...the sweat was dripping in the fold behind my knees...with nothing to read...bugs flying in my face...listening to Ryan Adams as I watch couples in love walk past me hand-in-hand.

Fuck this.

So after a total of about 15 minutes I fold up my blanket and ended the misery that was Central Park on a Sunday afternoon.

Don't you just love New York in the summertime?

Female:Male Ratio in Atlanta

I hung out with a good friend of mine from Atlanta last night who's in town and she reminded me that the female to male ratio in Atlanta is off the charts. And that all the women in Atlanta are gorgeous.

I totally forgot about that.

They're all blond and give beauty pageant-type answers to every question asked of them.

So I'll have to find the 3 single guys there that like a sassy personality and brown hair.

Ugh.

WAY BEHIND!

I haven't posted in awhile.

No excuse.

Just haven't felt like typing.

Now that I think about it the whole point of typing a blog vs. writing in a diary was because I'm too lazy to write everything in a little book. A blog was supposed to be easy.

Is there anything easier than a blog? Perhaps I'll get a mini tape recorder and just record myself saying everything. But then my lovely friends won't know what I'm up to.

Maybe I can just think about it. And by thinking about it my thoughts will seep into the atmosphere and be converted into a vapor diary of sorts? And if my friends think, "Wonder what Stacey's up to?" the vapor will make its way to them and with their next inhale they'll all of a sudden be up to speed on my life?

I need to get some sleep.

Had a great trip home for 4th of July week. Met a couple people at CNN and am now waiting for them to post a particular job on their site. Hopefully it'll be up in the next few weeks. Then I can call them and ask what I need to do to get the job.

If I don't get that job for some reason I'm going to put Plan B into action which is to try and get my current job to let me work from Atlanta. We'll see how that one goes...

Had a fun date with Chase while I was home. He's fucking hot. Divorced and Unemployed. But hot. Will be a fun guy friend with potential when I move home...

Here's a picture of him from high school (the one on the bull).



What? No, he's not gayyyyyyy! Shut up! He's HOT!

The girl that replaced my work buddy, Ramin, started this week. Luckily, she's great so that can only help my plans to exit.

I'm going to a place called The Living Room tonight in the LES to watch some band play that my Daily Candy email said I should go see. The only person that might show up is Immature Notre Dame Boy Dan because he lives across the street. I emailed all 8 people I know in NYC but he's the only one that can go.

Maybe.

I have a feeling this summer will be lonely because everyone gets the hell out of dodge on the weekends. I could go to Fire Island with my roommate but I can only take so much of the lezzies. My friend Jeannie invited me to go next weekend so I'm going to do that.

Check out this book...I just bought it. Would be a cool coffee table book:

http://tinyurl.com/yvzcp3



My friend Laura is coming into town from Atlanta tonight. So I'll get to see her tomorrow. Will be fun to hang out with her in the city. Have known her since 1st grade. I love it!