Weekend update 4/23

I just realized I didn't do a post last Monday. Huh.

My weekend didn't go the way I had planned but ended great. Was supposed to meet up with a friend that was in town from San Fran Friday night but she never called. I was annoyed because I would've gone to the gym but instead I sat around all night waiting for a call that never came. I didn't have her number.

Saturday I went to Park Slope and my friend Hans made brunch for me. Really good fritatta with potatoes. He had a strawberry smoothie waiting for me when I walked in the door. So sweet. We chatted for a long time and then he showed me around the area and we walked through Prospect Park. It was a GORGEOUS weekend so it was really nice.

Then Dave and I were supposed to hang out Saturday night but by 6:30pm I hadn't heard from him which is unlike him. He called then and said that he had to handle some family drama and wouldn't be able to hang out. Which was fine. I just felt bad for him. As if he doesn't have enough to deal with. That guy can take on so much. It's crazy.

Sunday he took me to Da Silvano for lunch. SUCH a good meal! I would only eat vegetable if I could cook them the way that chef did. And I ate ferns. Fern stems that hadn't bloomed yet and were curled up and sitting in butter. Yummmm.

Had a greyhound and planned on only having one more of those and that would be it for alcohol, but noooooo...

Dave ordered a bottle of champagne that we split. That got me buzzed. We walked around SoHo, Little Italy, Chinatown and ended up at the Williamsburg bridge on South Street and walked along the water. It was really nice.

Then we met up with his friend Steve and a girl that was visiting him from out of town. Had 3-4 beers at that bar. Then we went to dinner and had two different wines there. I was drunk.

We had a great time. I was all-consumed with having "the talk" but it never happened and I'm over it. At one point I did bring up with him that I don't want to add any more stress to his already too stressful life and he said, "I just need you to be patient with me when I'm tired sometimes."

That one simple statement wiped out all of my stupid, girly overanalyzation. I was laughing to myself. I thought, "I can do that. No problem."

The only other thing I was wanting to talk about was if he saw potential in us but I know he does just by the way he talks. Eventually I'll need to hear the actual words come out of his mouth but I'm good for now.

NY is SO AMAZING right now! It's the springtime weather I've always heard so much about. Everyone is outside, smiling, looking good, eating at the outdoor cafes. Ahhhh, I'm in heaven right now.

Bad week

I started to freak out about my situation with Dave and had a couple of bad moments with him this week. I snapped at him on Tuesday night at dinner for no reason. Then this weekend we went out Saturday night and actually had a BLAST. Went to this great restaurant, Momofuku, with Pete, Crisi, Aaron & Beth. We got wasted though. Wasted.

Beth was so great to me. She was telling me that they hated his last girlfriend and she knows that Dave's life is really complicated which makes him frustrating to date but she said she wants me to hang in there because they like me so much. Felt so good to hear her say that. I thought it was so sweet.

I was frustrated when Dave and I got back to my place that night because I wanted to be with him so badly but he was too tired to have sex. And - as always - I understand as he spent the day busting through concrete in the ground behind his house to try and rebuild his deck and was up early in the morning and we didn't get home until 3am. But the fact remains that we don't have sex that often and it frustrates me.

So Sunday we went to brunch with Pete and Crisi. I was hungover and proceeded to have 5 drinks. Got drunk. And I can be a bitchy, moody drunk. I started thinking ahead to this summer when Dave's going to be busier than he is now and got really depressed.

In the car on the way home he could tell I was frustrated that he wasn't staying with me that night and said, "It's not like I'm running around getting drunk with friends." I know, I know. Then he apologized for being too tired Saturday night. I told him it's okay but I'm still frustrated. Then I asked him if he's going to be busier this summer than he is now because I need to prepare myself emotionally and he said yes.

I got really quiet. I told him I need a "state of the union" this week and I got pouty and left the whole great weekend on a sour note. I HATE that I did that - I feel really bad - but I was drunk and in my mood.

We've been dating for 2 months and he really could be it for me. I have no idea where his head is though. So I'm equally looking forward to chatting with him this week and also scared to death. One thing that will help us is for me to not get so freakin' wasted. I'll work on that.

What I'm going to tell him is that I understand the amount of pressure he's under and I certainly don't want to add to that. So I'm going to work on my attitude and try not to get pouty and pissy when he can't spend the night. I'm sure I will sometimes but I'm going to work on that part of my personality. But what I need from him is to know if he sees potential in "us" and if he's really hoping I'll hang in there with him. If he does feel that way then the frustration of dealing with his schedule and lack of energy will be worth it.

Because he's worth it. He's fucking amazing. I'm in HEAVEN when I'm with him and he'll be worth the wait.

I'm also going to tell him that what will help me get through the frustrating times is for him to send me a tiny text message that says, "miss you" or something like that. Would make my whole day. Just every once in awhile as a nice surprise. I'm a girl and I need to hear that shit every once in awhile.

Now - will I be able to get through this conversation without crying? Prooooobably not because I'm so fucking sensitive and nervous about it but we'll see.

Weekend update 4/9

Friday night I went to the gym after work then went home and waited for my work friend to call about maybe going out that night. "The Sound of Music" was on TV so I curled up on the couch and howled and yodeled for the next 1 1/2 hours. Work buddy never called but that was a good thing because I was exhausted.

I read "A Movable Feast" on Saturday. Really good book. Loved it. Then went to gym again and then went to see the Will Ferrell movie and it's hysterical! Loved it. Much better than "Anchorman" in my opinion.

Didn't get drinks after the movie...everyone wanted to go home which was fine with me because I wanted to go to church for Easter Sunday for some reason. Haven't been to church since high school (except for weddings/funerals) and I was just in the mood.

So I Googled "Methodist church West Village" and found one on 7th Avenue and went. It was soooo interesting. It's a church that's very liberal and open to everyone which I liked. So there was a good ethnic mix, gays are welcome, etc. Two homeless guys were there and they kept getting up during the service. One obsessively combed his hair the whole time.

They had interpretive dancers, hip hop dancers, 4 different ministers. The Latino minister sounded just like Stimpy from "Ren & Stimpy" so I was having to supress my laughter which works really well in church. He would say something like, "The jjjoy I feel wif Hay-sus in my liiife..." and I would think, "Telllll me a story..." (the famous Stimpy line).

I sang, "Christ is Risen" and other songs who's lyrics I don't agree with. There was a guy playing the electric guitar in bad Santana-style. They had the "meet the person next to you" thing but it lasted 10 minutes and I swear I met everyone in the church. One woman hugged me. Then they had a "if you're a visitor please stand up" moment. Ugh. So I stood up and then they said, "If you feel comfortable please introduce yourself to the congregation."

Aaaaaand I sat down.

The main sermon was pretty good (read: short) and he didn't preach. He admitted that he sometimes has a hard time with the whole "resurrection of the body" part which I thought was interesting.

Anyway...lovely experience. Don't think I'll be going back there anytime soon but I'm glad I did it.

Then I ate brunch at Grey Dog's and got the Times and read about a photo exhibit in the Arts & Leisure section so I decided to go because it was closeby in Chelsea. The pictures were just okay. She's been to some of the same places as me and she literally had one photo that was EXACTLY like one of mine but it's not an interesting picture so I didn't understand why it was included.

They had two floors dedicated to art about the Dalai Lama and I bought a book in the bookstore called "The Quantum and the Lotus" about how physics and Buddhism aren't mutually exclusive. Reason & Faith. I've always been interested in that stuff.

Love how I started the day at a Methodist church and ended it on Buddhism. WTF?

I then proceeded to search 4 different drug stores for Cadbury eggs because I treat myself to a 3-pack every year but they were all out. So I got 2 of the Reece's eggs and then a caramel Cadbury egg. Then later in the day I got a piece of carrot cake.

Can we saaaaaay PMS?

Dave was at his parents all weekend so I didn't get to see him but we're hanging out tomorrow night. Was good to miss him a little bit. Okay a lot. Am dying to see him.

Our website finally has a launch date of May 8th! Yay!!!!!

yay :)

I was a little disappointed earlier this week because Dave hadn't invited me to his parent's place in upstate NY for Easter. I knew he was going up there and not that it's 100% expected at this point that he should invite me but it's pretty close.

Wednesday night we went to dinner at Freeman's (where we had our first date) and he brought it up and said that he wanted to bring me up there but there are so many family members staying at his parent's place that I'd be sleeping on the floor. He's on either the floor or a couch as it is. So that made me feel better :)

We had a great night Wednesday night. Fun conversation where you're sharing funny stories of stupid stuff you did as a kid, etc.

I'm liking him more and more. I feel so safe with him and he makes me laugh and makes me want to be a better person. He treats me so well. He's the most responsible guy I've ever met besides my dad. The safest I've felt in my adult life is when he comes up behind me and holds onto me and puts his chin on my shoulder and kisses my neck. Heaven.

My other favorite thing he does is he'll grab a couple of my fingers and put them to his lips as if my fingers were a pen or something and he's thinking deeply about something. He'll kiss them and just hold them there. I love when he does that.

Please forgive me. I'm in lala land....

Won't get to see him as he's leaving tonight for his parents house but it'll be good to miss each other.

I may go out with a co-worker tonight and then perhaps see a movie tomorrow and then I might go to church on Easter Sunday. We'll see. Depends on if I go out Saturday night. For some reason I'm in the mood to get a speech about being a good person.

Wonder what I'm subconsciously feeling guilty about?

Weekend update 4/3

Dinner with Dave Friday night. Poor boy got up at 4:30am that morning and worked all day and then met me for dinner and we were up until about 1am. I don't know how he does it. His work isn't going to let up anytime soon and if anything is going to get busier which stinks because that means I won't get to see him that much. And when I do I'm getting the last ounce of juice he has in him for the day.

Doesn't make for great sex.

I'm very impatient by nature and am going to try and work on that part of my personality so I don't get too frustrated. He can't help it. He started his company about 3 years ago and has to work his ass off to get it going. PLUS, his dad is his partner so his parent's retirement is tied up in this company too. So he has just a LITTLE bit of pressure on him.

I'm lucky I get to see him at all and am flattered that he pushes himself to ensure we do have time together.

Saturday I slept late then worked out and then met up with my friend Amy for drinks which was fun. A guy came up to her and said, "I've been wanting to talk to you all night. But I'm leaving now." And left. What the fuck? Men....

Sunday I slept until 2:45pm! I guess I was tired from having Dave over Friday night and not sleeping well. I'm getting better at actually catching some zzz's when Dave spends the night but it takes some getting used to.

So I just read the Times and then watched "Planet Earth" and "The Apprentice" and went to bed.