I'm Not Settling

I was watching the movie "Something New" tonight and it has one of the best sex scenes I've ever seen. It was at first so hot that I got really turned on...then it was so beautifully intimate that I shed some tears.

Took me completely off guard.

The past few months have been difficult. It didn't really hit me until I saw the scene in this movie.

Simon Baker's character really "sees" Sanaa Lathan's character for who she could be. She's closed off, you see, but he sees her potential and brings out the best in her. She can finally be herself around him.

I was suffocating dating Dave. For four months I never felt like I could truly be myself. On top of that, he made me feel like I was completely replaceable. I fit a mold for him. I looked nice enough to accompany him to dinner. Conversation was decent. I was someone he could bring to BBQ's and I got along with all his couple friends. But that's it. He didn't really care about me. Not the way I deserve.

It's hard to let go of that because it's a tough blow to my ego. How could he not see me? But he's not worth any more of my time. Enough.

Toronto Joe on the other hand really "saw" me and made me feel like I was special. That's even harder to let go of. We emailed recently. It was good. We're friends. Made me feel great because I've never connected with a man the way I did with him so for us to be able to remain friends means a lot.

The scene in this movie reminded me a lot of what it felt like to be with him. I miss feeling that way.

I've spoken recently with a couple guy friends of mine about how they work so much that they're often times too tired for sex. I started to think that I was going to have to settle in that area of life.

But after seeing the scene in this movie - and yes, I realize I'm letting a fictional scene in a movie heavily influence me - I've decided...

I'M NOT SETTLING!

I need passion! I'm a passionate person and I need someone passionate as well. That's the most important lesson learned from dating Joe and then the opposite, Dave.

I'M NOT SETTLING!

I love life and spontaneity and surprises and passion and kissing and sex.

I'm not settling.