Toronto Joe

I'm having the best time in Toronto.

The job is insannnnnely busy. Ridiculous actually. It's completely unorganized and really tense on set at times, etc. We fired our lead actor guy after 2 days because he just wasn't cutting it. This put us behind schedule-wise and things have been a nightmare of unorganization - chaos, really - ever since. We can't seem to catch up. But we'll make it through.

Last weekend I went out with our two actors and some of their friends and had a great time. Good food, good conversation, etc.

And I met a boy. Get ready for a long story. He's 27 and this artist, actor, writer, director, producer guy. His name is Joseph and he's amazing. From Day One on set I could tell he was looking at me and he was one of the few people on set that I never got around to officially introducing myself to. We had only exchanged a few "hi/bye's" and then one day he walked right up to me and said, "Has anyone ever told you you look like Diane Lane?" I hadn't showered and had a baseball hat on. I was like, seriously? But as cheesy/sweet as the line was - it was the way he looked at me when he said it that began the intrigue.

From then on we would chat a little here or there on set and that was it. Then last Saturday night I'm out with the actors and some of their friends and I hear that he's going to meet us out. So he does and I ditch the group I was with and went with he and his brother and cousin to another bar.

So Joseph has been drinking and tells me that he has a huge crush on me, he thinks I'm amazing, blah, blah...goes on and on. And it's really intense since he's an artist. He just made a short film and he said I was blowing his mind and he thinks part of him made the movie for me...on and on. I have never been more flattered in my life. Typing this out and re-reading it - I can see how it would look like, "Oh come on...." but it's the honesty with which he reveals these thoughts that makes me trust it.

So that night he came back to my place and we made out. He spent the night. At this point I was thinking, "Eh...he's fun to play with while I'm in Toronto, but I'm not going to get that into him."

So I show up for work this past Monday and it's a little awkward on set...then Tuesday's not as bad...then by Friday we're finding as much time as possible to sit next to each other so we can talk. He's really grown on me. We have so much in common and he's so fun to be around. He has a great laugh and thinks I'm hysterical which is always nice :) He asked me out for Saturday - Mets vs. Blue Jays game.

Backup to Friday - we were getting a ride home from our location in the Line Producer's truck. There wasn't enough room for Joseph in the truck so he was sitting in the bed of the truck in the back. So I hopped in there with him and it was so much fun. We were talking about how random life can be. One minute I'm in LA...the next I'm lying down in the back of a truck with Toronto Joe engulfed in amazing conversation.

We thought we were getting a ride home but then the truck stopped at this bar/restaurant. So we hop out of the truck and look like total rednecks to the hip Toronto-ites smoking outside. Awesome. I love that shit.

He sat next to me and we'd be in mid-conversation and then just stop and laugh and stare at each other because we can't believe how well we get along. Then he said, "You make me feel so special." I've never hung out with a guy so unafraid of saying exactly what he's thinking. It's so goddamn refreshing and freeing.

So we proceeded to get drunk. We ran into the editor of his short film - which I watched and it's absolutely beautiful. He's really talented. Which makes him all the more sexy. So we hang out with the editor and then he says that he wrote a poem for me. I'm thinking, "this guy is too much." And he was all drunk and embarrassed and wanted me to read it and then said, "no, no, I can't let you - it's not finished yet." He finally decided to let me read the first part and it was really good. He makes ME feel so special.

He came back to my place again and spent the night. We stayed in bed until the early afternoon. He left to shower and came back to take me to the Mets game. After that we went up to the top of the CN Tower which is the tallest free standing structure in the world. So we go up there and get a drink and watch the sunset. With another person it would've been cheesy but it isn't with him for some reason. On the way down in the elevator full of people we stood in the middle and faced each other. We stood as close as possible without touching. Our cheeks were side by side and we stayed in that position and didn't say a word the whole ride down. Just stood in silence and immersed ourselves in the tangible chemistry. When the elevator door opened I felt ourselves physically have to separate to exit. He looked at me and said, "Good times."

Then we went to get dinner...then went to another place to get wine & cheese. He knows a lot about wine and fine dining (LOVE that!)...then we went to a dance club that was horrible but we were laughing about how horrible it was. Then he came back to my place again and spent the night. We never run out of things to talk about, laugh about and even if there's some silence it's comfortable.

So - this whole long story - and the twist is he has a girlfriend. But he's been really honest with me from the beginning and said that he lives with her, they've been going out for a couple of years, but it's essentially over. He sunk all of his money into this short film so he can't afford to move out. He's stuck. He can't move in with his parents because they're about 1 1/2 hours outside the city and he needs to be in the city for film connections. He can't shack up with friends because most of them are living with someone or have a baby on the way, etc.

I've never been with someone knowing they have a girlfriend, but I don't care. I'm just going with it. It's so rare to find a connection and I'm not going to NOT hang out with him. Especially since he said it's over between them - it sounds like he's the real life mirror image of the movie "The Break Up". Plus, I have to think of this as an affair since we don't live in the same city.

It's going to be interesting going forward with him. He's someone that I already know I want in my life for as long as I'm alive. I want to travel with him. I miss him when I'm not around him. I worry that I'll get too attached to him - and the artist intensity - and it'll be difficult to say goodbye to him when I leave Toronto, but I'm going to worry about that later. I wouldn't miss out on a minute of being able to hang out with him because of a little heartache down the road. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. And it's amazing to be able to tell him that to his face without fear of rejection, humiliation...

Besides Joe.... Toronto is a wonderful city. It's one of the most international cities in the world yet everyone gets along so well. The people are all so friendly. You get the city/NY feel without the claustrophobia. You can drink the water from the tap. There are so many trees. The streets are clean. I'm really enjoying it.

The apartment they have me in is so sweet. I'm on the top floor (20th) of this building so I have a cool city view. And weekly maid service which helps.

My mom and dad are coming up here for Canada Day weekend (same as July 4th weekend). I'm so excited! After this is over I'm probably going to Atlanta for a week to hang out with them and then...? I have no idea. We'll see. This Toronto show could hit and become a regular 1/2 hour somewhere. Whatever. I'm really not thinking about it at all. There's no time since we're so busy - so that's a good thing. Will deal when the time comes.

Exciting changes ahead...

Heineken

That's what I'm drinking right now...a Heinekin. It makes me happy.

Ahhhh, yeahhh [deep sighhhhhh]

I'm at the office. It's 11:03pm on Saturday night and I'm at the office. Did I say, "I'm at the office?" Oh, right. Back there three times. Sorry. Just wanted to make sure everyone knew I was at the office. There' s a perfectly good explanation, but it still screams, "LOSER!" no matter how you tell it.

But I'm gonna tell it...so liketahearithearitgoes.

I'm flying to Toronto, Ontario tomorrow morning. I'm going to be staying there for 2 months to work on our TBS project. Our fucking CBS pilot didn't get picked up. The one that would've landed me the promotion that I've been working towards for 2 years. And would've gotten me to NY. Yeah. THAT one. Didn't get picked up. So now I'm going to Toronto to work with a bunch of characters on our other thing. I was trying to stay positive but that wasn't working so I thought I'd blog it out. It's my therapy. So I logged onto Internet Explorer to get to my blog and I have CNN.com as my homepage. Please check out this article I saw as I logged on:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/06/03/canada.terror/index.html

Uhhhhhh, YEAH! Just lovely. I didn't realize Canadians were so bad ass, but regardless, I don't need to see that the night before I board a plane to Toronto.

Then I saw this article. Is it bad that I wish I could be there to party with them?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/03/hell.party.ap/index.html

To catch everyone up to speed I have moved out (as of tomorrow) of the Bev Hills 90210 house I lived in for 3 years. My friend that owns the house has gotten engaged and his woman's moving in and needs my room for her stuff. So I'm out.

When I get back from Toronto I'll be homeless.

That sucks.

Then when I'm done with this job in Toronto I'll most likely be jobless as well.

That sucks.

I need anti-anxiety medication. I'm serious. [sipping Heinekin] I think it'll really help me. I was always anti-taking pills but now I've gone to the other side and feel that having anxiety all the time really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm now just anti-anxiety. If a pill helps me get through a rough patch - then why the hell not?

So why am I at the office? Before I take off for Toronto I needed to park my piece of shite 1987 Nissan Sentra at work so my co-worker can keep an eye on it. I meant to do it earlier today, but I went over to my boss's house to do something on his computer and it took longer than expected. BUT, the payoff was his wife had friends over for her birthday and they had leftover Dom Perignon so I had 4 glasses while I was on his computer.

I love LA. Sipping my Dom while working on some guy's computer.

So then I drove to work. Dumped my car. Came into the office to grab a Heine and thought I'd blog.

What else is going on? I had one last night with Hot Actor Boy Jeffrey. It was...interesting. He had a friend in town and they were going out with a bunch of friends to Baha Cantina - a really fun meat-market type of margarita joint. I love it. Reminds me of Rio Bravo in Buckhead (which is now shut down - so sad).

So I get to the place - can't find him anywhere. I call. No answer. Order and drink a margarita by myself. I call. No answer. I order another margarita. Befriend the 2 guys and 2 girls sitting at the bar in front of me. One of the guys is an actor and had auditioned for our CBS pilot. Reminded of how small a town LA is. I take another look around the bar and finally find Jeffrey. He had grown a beard when he was in Thailand and I didn't recognize him.

He looks hot. As usual.

He's at a HUGE table with tons of friends so I take a seat at the end and chat up his friends. Drink more margaritas. The 2 guys I chatted with earlier come find me. We bond over the fact that the 2 girls they were with were annoying. One of the guys asks for my number and as I'm giving it to him I say, "Oops. I'm moving in a week sooo..." He shuts his phone. It hits me that I'm really leaving. I drink more alcohol.

Jeffrey, his friends & I go to another bar and I have a couple beers. His friends are really cool and I'm having fun. Then I make some snide comment to him and he says, "What are you doing? Are you picking a fight?" I look at him and am about to bust into tears so I run out of the bar........and proceed to bust into tears.

Apparently I wasn't raised to be okay with sleeping with a guy for YEARS but not feel anything towards that person. God damn my parents. I proceed to cry and try to stop myself which only makes me cry more. I tell Jeffrey that I've been really lonely in LA and he's kept me going and I cherish out time together but I'm not able to sleep with him and feel nothing. He grabs me and tells me that he wouldn't keep calling me if he didn't care about me. Part of me felt like he meant it. Part of me felt like he was just saying it because I was crying. I was drunk - who knows.

He was such a sweetheart though. A trooper really. We went back to his place. I grabbed his guitar and pretended I could play (In another life I'm going to be a GREAT guitar player) . He said I looked sexy holding the guitar. He taught me how to strum. We smoked pot. I felt better. He found some massage oil and gave me a really long massage. I felt better. We had sex. I felt much better.

Then I couldn't sleep and wanted to have sex again. So I rubbed him in the right ways and we got worked up and then the most interesting thing happened: We had angry sex. I've never done that before but we were pushing each other away and hitting each other (lightly) and it went on for a long time. It was really fucking interesting.

Then we slept and had the morning sex. GOD I love the morning sex. Then we went out to breakfast and it was awkward. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. I hate how he's never ONCE asked me anything about myself. How many siblings do I have? Did I play sports in high school? Who's my favorite Olympian? WHAT-ever. Just something. But no. We just sat there. Finally he said, "Soooo, Toronto huh?" I could barely talk about it though for fear of my tear bucket overflowing again. I'm too damn sensitive.

At the end of the breakfast we talked about the book "Night" and he said he'd mail me his copy so I could read it. I emailed him my address and instead of the book he emailed me a postcard he had written to me when he was in Thailand. He had put the Thai stamps on it, but didn't have my address to mail it. He had saved it. And mailed it to me. His way of saying, "Shut up. I care about you." It was a small gesture, but it meant a lot.

So tomorrow I fly to Toronto. Then next weekend I fly to Vegas to celebrate my Aunt Diana's 60th birthday. She's skydiving. My dad will be there. I can't wait to see him! And my cousins Randy & Steve who kick ass as well. I miss my family.