Doomed?

Instead of going to the gym this afternoon to work off the pizza and chocolate cake I ate for dinner last night I went to see the "Sex & The City" movie - again. To add a point or two back to my cool column I must add that the first time I saw it I missed the first 15-20 minutes so I felt the need to see the entire movie from start to finish. After watching every single episode at least 3 times I figured I owed the movie at least that consideration. And myself.

After it was finished... I couldn't help but wonder... Is it possible to write about sex and relationships without sounding like Carrie Bradshaw?

I believe it is! Everyone has their own voice after all and - like snowflakes - no two relationships are exactly alike. Let's just hope they don't all start out white, fluffy and beautiful and end up as black, filthy slush.

I believe I will find a Grand Love and this movie does nothing but support me in continuing that belief. But it's just a movie. I shouldn't take it too seriously, right? Meanwhile, back in non-movieland I have friends that are going through divorces, raising children on their own, calling their relationship status "It's complicated" on social networking sites even though they're married, lowering their standards one notch for each year they get older and still find themselves single, etc. And none of us can afford a closet full of Manolos.

But for some reason - despite all of the failed relationships out there (or attempts to find one) - I seem to think that it's not going to happen to me. I still believe that I'm going to find a great guy and we're going to spend our lives together. Is it my ego? A big fat case of denial? Have I seen too many rom-com movies?

I think the answer is two-fold:

(1) I'm a hopeless romantic. Actually, I'd like to think of is as hopeFULL romantic. And I believe good things come to good people. And good things come to those who wait. Basically, there are too many cliches about good things and good people to ignore them all.

(2) My parents. They're still together and very much in love. They've had some really tough times but they committed to each other and made it through. I can't ask for a better example to aspire to than that.

Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go walk around town in high-heeled shoes that I bought at Payless for $17.99. Did Carrie Bradshaw EVER get blisters?

2 weeks...

I have 2 weeks left until I leave HK. I'm in this familiar but frustrating place where I'm trying to pack in all the things I must do before I leave. Make sure to buy that thing that'll forever remind me of my time in Hong Kong. Need to go to that restaurant because I'm really going to miss the way they make my eggs. I try to have meaningful, fun times with my friends but I can't really be "present" because there are 1,000 things swirling around in my brain. Like, how I need to begin the agonizing process of going through all of my drawers wondering how I could've possibly accumulated so much shit in only 10 months time. And try not to break into a stress-induced tear fit when the littlest thing like talking to the Chinese lady at the cable company upsets me. Then...in the end...I don't do any of these things because I get sucked into an "Ugly Betty" marathon on TV (I totally want to work at a dysfunctional magazine now. And buy a bunch of shoes I can't afford).

-change of topic-

God, I need a date. The best sex I've had in the past 3 months when I was scratching the 13 mosquito bites on my legs OR it might have been when I finally sneezed after wheezing over and over for a solid minute. I just can't decide. I hope British men are cute.

-change of topic #2-

I watched "Reality Bites" and I miss the young, greasy, philosophically conflicted Ethan Hawke. Now all we have is this old, cleaner cut, morally deficient Ethan Hawke.

Getting older sucks.

Cheese

I've had cheese in one form or another as the main dish in the past 4 consecutive meals.

Love Laos

I had a great time in Luang Prabang.

I've never been somewhere where the monks live amongst the people as much as they do there. Made me feel really peaceful and safe.

The tuk-tuk drivers didn't bother me as much there as they do in other places. Although one time a guy took an orange road construction cone and from across the road and yelled "TUK-TUK LADY?!?!" Then I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled back, "NO THANK YOU!!!" He and his guy friends laughed like crazy that I played along.

I met a 28-year old Irish guy one night. I was eating alone as I always do on these trips and he knocked my chair from behind and asked me to join him. I hesitated as it would be much easier to continue reading my Vanity Fair article about how Willy Clinton loused (that's "louse" not "Laos") up Hilly Clinton's presidential campaign but then I thought, "Why take the easy route and be alone?" Even though I could barely understand the poor lad as his Irish accent was so thick it's a stretch to call it English (I guess it would be Engrish? Please forgive me) it was nice to talk with him.

He wanted me to drink beer with him and stay out late (even though there's NOTHING to do in that town) but I had to get up at 5am the next morning so I turned him down. Then he invited me for breakfast the next morning. Again, I hesitated but said yes. We met the next morning and had a nice chat over really bad omelettes and bacon.

Lesson learned = It's nice put forth the effort to have conversations with guys even though you have no interest in dating them because it's nice to just... get to know people. No agenda. I've become too trained to look for "that special someone" that I might have shut out other people because I didn't feel they have potential. It's good to have eggs with the Irish guy every once in awhile so I don't wallow in my "I'm all alone" bullshit.

Strolling along the Mekong River was a highlight.

Great things to shop for in Luang Prabang: Silver, silk textiles, cheap art

Beer Lao = good stuff















Mekong River












Monks















Cutie Patootie























Night Market

Thanks to Remi for all of the information. Otherwise I wouldn't have taken the trip!

Little trip

I'm heading to Laos for a few days. Will be back on Saturday. For those who aren't quite sure where Laos is...or thought a Laos was an unethical person...

Here's a map:










It's supposed to rain the entire time I'm there but hopefully I'll be able to take some photos and see some stuff. Have a good week everyone!

Dragon Boat Races

Last Sunday I went to the Annual Dragon Boat races in Stanley, Hong Kong. It was a damn hot day with low tide and too many people trying to stand on the beach watching the races.















See?

After spending all day, every day alone in my apartment it took me awhile to get adjusted to the masses of wet and sweaty people. I just hate that feeling when the air is so thick you can slice it and serve it with with ice cream...nothing you do brings any relief so you decide to just stand there and take it...then you feel a drop of sweat slowly drip down your back until it lands in the pool accumulating in your ass crack. Good stuff.

I finally just sucked it up and enjoyed watching the races. Our friend Yumi was competing with her company's team so we watched her race (see below)
















Yumi's 2nd from the back in the white team's boat.

After Yumi's race Brigitte and I sought refuge at the over-airconditioned Pacific Coffee then barely made it back in time to see our guy friends compete in their race. They won the whole event last year so our expectations were high but due to a steering mishap in their first race they missed being able to compete in the top final race by 1 point. Bummer.

7pm - the partying began on Main Street in Stanley. There was a neverending sea of people...
















...which is always exciting to me because that means there are that many more potential MEN to flirt with! Unfortunately, all that happened was I saw a guy who spent the night at my apartment last fall and he didn't remember me. Then I saw a guy who was interested in me after meeting me at the Rugby 7's (Imagine THAT! A guy was interested in me after seeing me wearing a slutty nurse's outfit?) but I didn't feel like saying hi to him so I did the mature thing and avoided looking at him all night long. Then we met a drunk French guy with a blue fish (long story).

Needless to say I didn't meet the love of my life but we did dance our butts off to all the same songs I heard at every single frat party I attended in college ("Tainted Love", etc.).

11:30pm - They cut the music off because there were actually people living above these bars. We weren't ready to call it a night just yet so we moved the party to Lan Kwai Fong, took over Bar George and made it a dance club.
















See?

1am? - Someone brought a frisbee so an impromptu game of street frisbee began right in LKF. Of course I couldn't help but participate (read: show off). I'll add those pictures when I get them from Brigitte.

2am - 5am?? - Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.... stuff happened? At this point I would just be playing a never ending game of "Fill in the blank" and as much fun as that game is I think I'll just let whatever happened during this time remain a mystery.

5am??? - After a breakfast meal...I finally went to bed around 6am or so. Then my alarm went off at 9am because I forgot to turn it off. So that was awesome. Then the cable guy came at 10am so I stayed awake contemplating why I never seem to learn my lesson that drinking too much makes my stomach and head not feel so good the next day.

While I was contemplating this conundrum of all conundrums I was experiencing the typical waves of hot flashes but they were more intense due to my fucking broken A/C.

Around 3pm I was finally able to experience the upright, forward motion that homo sapiens worked so hard to achieve without wanting to puke or passout. So I met Brigitte, et. al. for some much needed pizza. They went running at 5pm and I thought it would be a good idea to try and run with Ironman athletes on a bum knee after dancing for 6 hours the night before. Also, while still being hungover and digesting pizza in 90% humidity.

WTF is my problem? What am I trying to prove?

I ran with them for about 7 minutes and then had to let them continue without me. They're so in shape. I'm totally jealous.

After we all showered we ate Indian food and watched "Swingers". Much to my delight only one person other than myself had seen it. So I was able to introduce that movie to two Frenchmen and a Swiss gal. I felt good doing my part to educate these fine people on what a good movie is. And what LA is all about.

So that was this past Sunday/Monday and here it is the following Saturday and I'm still recovering. I love HK but it'll be good for me to move on. I can't keep up with this lifestyle much longer or my body's gonna age 15 years in one month's time and then just spontaneously combust.

Good Stuff

I just rode on the back of a French Ironman athlete's BMW motorcycle with the amazing skyline of Hong Kong as my view the whole way.

I have no idea how I get to these places in my life but I love it!

More about the weekend later. My brain is still putting the pieces together...

Damn Yellow Fever

The one and only man who I connected with in Hong Kong has succombed to the vicious Yellow Fever. Or so says the rumor mill (which I always believe).

I went out on a few dates with him and we liked each other but he's always out of town on business for weeks at a time. So that makes it impossible to date. (God damnit... fine!) After a short mourning period, I let go of the idea of dating him and instead decided to "be available" should he want to "hang out" when he IS in town. After all, he's a guy I'm attracted to, one who I trust and also don't want to kick out of bed in the morning. Not easy to find.

I demostrated my new mindset by wearing a slutty nurse outfit to the Rugby 7's tournament and bringing him back to my place afterwards.

He left the next morning. I didn't call, I didn't write. Couldn't be more low maintenance.

A few weeks later I was drunk and texted him a sexy little message and we had fun flirting back and forth and getting creative with the emoticons. He said he'd be in touch the next time he was in town and I smiled to myself and thought, "Sweet. My plan worked. At least my needs will be met while I'm in HK."

That was in late March and I never heard from him again. I went out with some of his friends last night and was told the rumor is he's developed an aggresive case of Yellow Fever.

Symptoms typically include:

Low Self-esteem
Horniness
Extreme Laziness
Empty Wallet
Dating Size Double-zero Asian chicks in 4 hour intervals

I try really hard never to judge people and I'm not judging him but I am pissed off/disappointed. I understand his situation but I couldn't have made it ANY EASIER for him. He doesn't even have to BUY me. Just meet me for a drink (that I'll pay for) and then he can have as much FREE sex as he wants. And there's no threat of suffocating me as I have the body of an actual woman and not a 12-year old boy. And no threat of an STD which is always a plus.

This is definitely not the type of relationship I'm looking for in life as it just makes me feel empty in the end but it would've been a nice thing to keep me going for my last few months in The Kong.

Once I make it back to the states I will NEVER EVER AGAIN complain about dating options (okay, that's so not true but I'll try my best). Go international and you have a whole new set of issues.

One thing I am looking forward to when I move to London is lesser amounts of transient men and Asian chicks.

[Sigh]

I want a bf.

That's all. Just needed to complain for a second...

(aaaaand.....moving on)

I had another great time with Brigitte and some of her girl friends last night (Why do I feel like I need to separate the words "girl" and "friend" when speaking about non-lesbian relationships and not separate it when I am speaking about lesbian relationships?). We ate at Wagyu which is my fav place. Why?

Hot people + good food = fav place

I'm done with my master cleanse, thank God, Allah, Mohammed, Angelina Jolie, etc. I missed food! Next time I want to detox I'm going to find another way to do it that lets you at least eat SOMEthing!

My move date keeps changing for London. Just when I think it's settled something else comes up. Now I have to go to the states to apply for my UK work visa. Which is actually GREAT because I'll get a free week in NY!!!! It's not 100% settled yet but will most likely happen. I hope everyone I want to see is in town. I miss NY so much it hurts. Well, it doesn't HURT but it certainly doesn't feel good.

This Sunday is the Dragon Boat races in HK. I'm so excited! I'm friends with the guys that won the whole thing last year (over 140 boats compete) so it should be a blast!

Carat* Jewelry

I was a lucky duck and went to a 30% off private party at Carat* last night. It's a FABULOUS jewelry store. The diamonds are fake so I wouldn't go there but the semi-precious stone jewelry is great. Below is what I bought and I'm so excited about it! They only have locations in HK, London and NY so if you're ever in one of those three places and want some feminine, unique jewelry definitely check them out!



























Large stone is clear crystal and the little ones are aquamarine (light blue)

HK Hearts Perez

We're totally going to be famous. Stay tuned.......

Debt

I'm so excited!

My debt was at a scarily high $25,000 when I started this job and it's the whole reason I TOOK this job.

Now it's down to $15,000 and counting!!!

I'm no longer the person they're referring to in those commercials for credit counseling services when they say:

"Is your debt at $5,000....$10,000....or EVEN $25,000?!?!"

It was NOT a good feeling to be at the top amount that's only included to scare the shit out of you.

Surprising Exercise Songs

I've been having great success using the shuffle function on my iPod for discovering good songs for exercising. I have 1,799 songs but no idea what's on my iPod except for the one exercise playlist I made 3 years ago that still has "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce and Jay-Z on it. Great song, but I'm over it and need new stuff.

Today, my iPod did a good job. Below are songs I found surprisingly good to walk/run to and why:

"Such Great Heights" by Postal Service

Great for running because the tempo is perfect and there's an airy, other-worldly feeling to the song. I feel like I'm in a Nike commercial or something about people all over the world and how we're all the same because....we run.

"I'm Puttin' All My Eggs In One Basket" by Ella Fitzgerald

Okay, this wasn't the best exercise song but I listened to the lyrics and realized that it'll be the perfect song for me to dance to with my future-haven't-found-him-yet husband.

"I've been a roaming Juliet
My Romeo's have been many
But now my roaming days have gone

Too many irons in the fire
is worse than not having any
I've had my share and from now on
I'm putting all my eggs in one basket
I'm betting everything I've got on you."

(no pressure, my future honey)

"Give It To Me" by Timbalind

Not surprising at all but I just forgot that I had this song on my iPod so I was pleasantly surprised. This song makes me want to walk harder so I will look good dancing in a club. "Wanna see you work you BO-dy."

"All I Want For Christmas" by Mariah Carey

I was fully aware this was on my iPod but would never think of exercising to it. But the beat is PERFECT if you want to power walk. The holidays make me think of home and I always try to look my best when I go home so that makes me workout harder. Plus, this song just makes me happy and I'm almost skipping instead of power walking (it's hard to resist doing the "Snoopy Dance"). ALSO, I think of the movie "Love, Actually" and how everyone's falling in love and I want to meet a guy so that makes me workout harder. (I know, I know, but whatever gets my ass in gear is fine by me)

"My Sharona" by The Knack

Simple. The beat couldn't be more perfect for a power walker.

Happy Exercising!

Master Cleanse

I started another master cleanse yesterday. I did one for 4 days in July last year and I did a great job until the 4th day. Completely broke down the 4th day. I was supposed to only have orange juice the first day I was OFF the cleanse and then the 2nd day I was supposed to have orange juice until lunch and then I could have soup.

Weeeelllllll, I had orange juice for the 1st day off the diet for breakfast...soup for lunch and then a full blown meal for dinner. Once I opened the floodgates it was all over. And my stomach hurt so bad!

SOOOO, this time I'm going to put on my Super Will Power Suit and shoot my cravings point blank. Oh yes, it's extreme but I will resort to violence to help my will power. She's a weak little thing who needs protecting.

But...so far...so good. Has anyone else done one of these? How long did you last? It says on the instructions you can go 40 days and it's still safe.

40 DAYS?!?!?!?! I'm so sick of this lemon-citrus taste by Day 4 I wanna puke. Can't imagine the mindset it must take to go for 40 days. Woody Harrelson said recently that he thinks it would be the ultimate mind trip to put himself on a deserted island for 40 days and fast. Just surf and fast and see where his mind goes.

I'll tell you where it'll go. He'll be fine until Day 10. On the morning of Day 11 he'll teach himself how to make bread out of seaweed and sand.