The Perfect Job

I was looking online to see if there were any positions available to assist professional photographers on a part-time and/or weekend basis and I stumbled upon a job that I didn't even know existed. And it's perfect for me!!!

This particular position has already been filled but served as a reminder that my varied skill set and experience does actually add up to something.

The British Museum just hired someone to work in a sales capacity. She sells the space as a location for film/tv shoots, still photography shoots and radio program recordings. Once the shoot is booked she liaises with the production crew to ensure everything runs smoothly and sees the project through to the end.

I WANT THIS JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would be perfect for it and it has everything I want. I'd get to meet all types of people. Work with tv/film/photography but it's a stable job. I wouldn't have to start as an assistant again with a new company - getting coffee and all that crap. I would have normal hours and I would probably get invited to whatever parties are involved after the project is completed. And how cool would it be to work for a major museum?

I didn't see a job like this currently available at the Met or MoMA in NYC but I'm curious if it exists. Do I know ANYONE who knows ANYONE who works for a major museum in NYC???

This would be my ticket back...

I just...

...drank two glasses of wine (enough to get the job done these days) and proceeded to watch the same 4 episodes of Sex & the City twice (the UK loves them some SATC)... apply for a photographer's assistant job (I currenly have a job and have no time for a 2nd one) then I emailed 3 men with whom I've had relations and know are currently single but unfortunately are located in Los Angeles, Toronto and Hanoi...then I proceeded to eat everything in my fridge besides the organic lightly salted butter (thank God).

I'm going to bed now.

Props

I saw "Rain Man" last night and I was pleasantly surprised. It was really good. And Josh Hartnett grew on me and looked REALLY hot. He was clean cut and not greasy like he usually is. And Adam Godley had the huge task of playing Dustin Hoffman's role and did a wonderful job.

It's so much fun to be back in a city where I can go to the theater and enjoy culture!!!

So sad about Paul Newman :( He was my #1 Hollywood actor crush.

My First West End Musical

My one friend in London (I'm confident there are more to come...I just haven't had time to put effort into finding them) invited me to see my first West End musical, "Flamenco, Flamen'ka". Now, I'm not a huge fan of musicals but the ticket was free and I'm not exactly in a position to turn down social invitations at the moment. (I actually hate most musicals except for "The Sound of Music" and "Grease". Characters breaking into song right before they kiss is such a tease).

So I thought, "Eh...why not?"

I'll tell you why not. It sucked. The flamenco dancing was good but after awhile they all reminded me of this little kid I used to babysit who would cross his arms and stomp his feet on the ground when I didn't pay enough attention to him because I was too engrossed in my 27th viewing of "Dirty Dancing".

Plus, there was no story, no characters, nothing to follow. Just a bunch of horny, slutty people kissin' all over each other (which is usually FINE with me but I didn't find any of them "fuckable" - to use a term from my Hollywood days). Then two guys would get angry because ...well, who knows... and would threaten to knife each other. But they never did because that would mean something actually would have happened and they'd have to start telling a story. Then they'd go back to dancing. Then they'd get horny and slutty again.

Oh, and then the "narrator" woman (who only spoke about 6 times the entire show) would throw the starving audience a bone and say, "The only thing you need to die...is to be aliiiiiiive."

....................okaaaaaaaaaay.

Then more dance/slut/knife stuff.

Oh, and there was a brother-in-law somewhere. I don't know which guy he was but I'm certain he wasn't faithful.

I felt bad because I couldn't help but whisper a smart-ass comment to my friend which launched us into a rock-you-to-the-core laughing fit. But there were kids behinds us who clapped everytime the dancers did so I hold onto hope that they were more annoying than we were.

I'm going to see "Rain Man" with Josh Hartnett this Friday night. I don't mean to be negative but I'm not expecting greatness at this show either. I mean...it's Josh Hartnett.

It's another free ticket though so I thought, "Eh...why not?

It's getting bad people...

My mom sent me an email which contained an image of a computer-generated, silouetted woman rotating on the heel of one of her feet. I was supposed to take note of which direction the woman rotated - clockwise or counter-clockwise. Depending on which way she turned it was then determined that I am a left- or right-brained thinker.

All I saw was that whatever horny computer guy created her made sure to include nipples on her boobs. I thought, "He must be hard up."

Then I thought, "If the first thing I notice on this woman is her nipples....."

I need to have sex. It's been since March. I'll have to vote Republican this November as I'll be a BORN-AGAIN! Okay, I'll be a Born Again VIRGIN and not a Born Again CHRISTIAN but I might become religious anyway so I can pray and sex will come to me. Is that how it works?

Eh...worth a shot.

Me: God?

God: Yoooo, Bunch! What up?

Me: Hey heyyyyyy. Not much, not much. Just chillin'. You know. [beat...] Hey, listen. I know it's been a loooooooooooooooooong time since I've called but...well...let's be honest...I'm an atheist. And the fact that you answered is seriously WIGGIN' me out right now but I'm not gonna go there because I have more pressing matters. I need a favor. Could you give me a break and send a strapping, well-endowed British rugby player with a lot of energy and time on his hands my way? The shit's dryin' up you see and I'm too busy to work out and make myself appealing to the opposite sex. Gotsta get this situuuuu down here taken care of STAT!

God: How's tonight at 10pm?

Me: Suh-WEET!!! You're an angel you know that? Thanks. I gotta go get ready but I swear to God next time we'll talk about you.

(P.S. I'm right-brained)

UPDATE

OMG - It's been forever since I've written in my blog. I'm sure I've lost everyone that was coming to it. Oh well. It'll just be my diary again.

I went through a period where I was tired of talking about myself so I couldn't bear to write about myself as well. Then I moved to London and have been crazy busy ever since.

So much has happened:

I got 2 weeks in NYC which included:
1) catching up with tons of friends
2) a flight to Buffalo for a 15 minute meeting then a 5-hour wait for my return flight the same day
3) watching my friend Adria perform in Union Square with her Capoeira group
4) having a romantic non-date with a guy friend of mine who I have a crush on
5) my mom visiting for 5 days (broadway show, dinners, walking, shopping)

So I walked and walked and walked in NYC for 2 weeks and did NOT want to leave. Never in my life did I think I would have a ho-hum attitude about going to London for the first time. But I really didn't want to go.

The plane ride was great though. Business class has totally private cubicles and seats that recline all the way horizontally. I decided to join the mile-high club (although it was just me so it probably doesn't count) as I had been in the same bed with my mom for a week! I know, I know...too much information but too bad. Get over it.

London has been a pain the ass experience up to this point and has included the following:

1) Having my wallet stolen the day before I signed a lease on a completely unfurnished apartment
2) Staying up until 4am with a fast-talkin’ Chinese chick at a Hong Kong bank desperately trying to cancel the last credit card but not understanding a word she was saying
3) Opening over 500 boxes of my cousin’s stuff and distributing it over the 6 floors in his house (steep stairs). Dust and pet dander attacking me from all directions. Contemplating what’s happened to my life as I fold his underwear.
4) Missing all of the Olympics because I didn’t have a television (I did get to see the opening ceremonies though)
5) Sitting with 2 Polish people for 4 ½ hours at their house while waiting for a 3rd Polish guy with a van who finally showed up after midnight. I rode with him for 30 minutes as he was helping me with a couch I bought from the 1st Polish person. Small talk was super fun. I found out later that the couch is broken.
6) Our company’s IT guy left London before any of us were set up. So we’re all in different stages of technical disarray
7) Tripping at least 3 times a day walking around town because they apparently haven’t heard of concrete sidewalks here. Big fans of broken up stone, the Brits are. When you’re feeling low it’s just the last thing you need. To trip. Am currently working on a strategy to make up for the cool points I’m losing with every stumble. Take DJ classes, perhaps?
8) Sitting in my apartment from 9am-6:30pm for a delivery that never came because they won't pay the 3GBP it costs to call my US mobile to tell me the're lost
9) Having to carry a big box of my cousin's stuff onto the Tube because the ATM machine was broken so I couldn't afford a taxi. The Chelsea Football Stadium had just unloaded thousands of footballers who were all trying to get on the train. The box became a celebrity. Drunk footballers were dying to know what was in the box and started shouting, "TWO POUNDS TO TOUCH THE BOX!" "FOUR POUNDS TO FIND OUT WHAT'S INSIDE THE BOX!" One guy at the end of the train yelled, "I THINK SHE'S WITH BIN LADEN!" I never told them what was inside the box (a cat litter box) as they'd be too disappointed. This was quite a funny experience.
10) Shopping at Whole Foods for my cousin's family's dinner only to have the paper bag break as I'm trying to cross Kensington High Street (VERY busy street). Cartons of brown rice and broccoli go flying in all directions. I hold my hand up to the cars staring at my ass as I try to gather up all the food.
11) Hanging out with Julian Lennon at a club.

And many more adventures.

BUT - I have a great apartment and I'm slooooowly but surely getting it set up and am really looking forward to the next couple weeks when my cousin is settled and I can really work on getting myself back into a routine. And getting a life.