Random

I'm in Buffalo, NY right now at an internet cafe. There were no appointments available until August in Manhattan for me to do my fingerprinting for my UK entry. So I flew to Buffalo to get fingerprinted. It took 15 minutes. Then I had 5 hours until my return flight.

It's really depressing here. At least everyone smiles on the street at you and the people generally seem like they're in a good mood. But WHY?

There's NOTHING going on here. I walked all over the downtown area and most of the shops were boarded up. There's a handful of sports bars, a few restaurants, one Starbucks and this nice little internet cafe I found called The Spot.

Other than that................

I'm glad I'm heading home soon. Well "home" to me right now means the Grand Hyatt Hotel in NYC. But at least my mom will be waiting for me so that makes it home.

Last Day in The Kong

Here I sit on my last day in Hong Kong. Typing on a computer at my fancy, caucasian-dominated gym as my home internet was turned off today.

I've had quite the love/hate relationship with Hong Kong. As many expats have in the past and will in the future.

I hate the humidity. I love the rainstorms.

I hate how meek the people are - show some balls! I love how polite they are no matter how frustrated I would get with them.

I hate all of the stairs. I love the escalator.

I hate that there's no culture here. I love meeting people from all over the world.

I hate that the Asian chicks steal all of the cute white boys. There's no upside to this one.

I hate how slow all of the people walk because they're so short. I love being taller than everyone.

I hate most Chinese food. I love how there are more restaurants per person in Hong Kong than anywhere else in the world.

I hate that it's such a transient city which makes it impossible to maintain any long-term relationships. I love that because it's a transient city it's so easy to meet people.

I hate that there are no good parks. I love the hiking trails, beaches and camp sites.

I hate the Type A, work hard/play hard lifestyle. I love the Type A, work hard/play hard lifestyle.

I hate that you can't find any clothes in a size 8 or larger. I love that I lost weight just so I could fit into the clothes.

I hate that there are no Target stores here. I love the old man at the top of Peel St. that's been selling and fixing umbrellas at his little stand for over 50 years.

I hate that I'm so far away from my family. I love that I'm so close to so many interesting travel destinations.

I hate that I'm leaving so soon. I love that I'm finally leaving.

Now...it's time to hit the elliptical.

Hilar

I just busted out laughing because I typed a blog post two minutes ago specifying that I want a job where I'm challenged and have to use my brain.

Then I realized I need to make a work call for my current job and a wave of disgust washed over me because I thought, "Uh...I'm going to have to THINK during this call. [SIGH]" And I immediately started thinking, "What else could I do to put off having to make this call?"

Then I busted out laughing at how pathetic and lazy I've become.

I need a real job. Fast.

Perfect job

I miss working in an office that's bustling with energy where I have co-worker friends and we talk and bitch and stuff. And there's like...a project or something...and everyone is brainstorming and working hard to try and make it better. And I'm an important part of that team and my co-workers will ask questions like, "Stacey, what do you think?" and "Stacey, do you want to go to that same sandwich place for lunch today or do you wanna try something new?"

When I had jobs like this in the past I would find reasons why I hated them and wished I had a job where I hardly had to work and could work from home in my pajamas. Which is what I have now.

Why do I always want what I don't have??? What's the perfect job? Someone please tell me and I'll tweak my resume so it seems like I'm qualified for it.

I need a job where I'm autonomous but have an office to go to. But I don't have to go to the office unless I want/need to. Except sometimes there should be meetings so I have a sense of purpose and can feel like I'm a responsible part of a team and shit. I have to work hard but I like what I'm doing for the most part so that's okay. I like to work hard as long as there's a sense of accomplishment.

I shouldn't have to answers phones. At all. I get to boss at least 3 people around and they do all the piddly stuff I don't want to do and they think I'm fabulous. I should only have to answer to 1 person and he is hot and thinks I'm fabulous and gives me raises every 6 months.

My co-workers will be mostly straight men who flirt with me but who also respect my work. They have lots of single male friends that they'd like to set me up with. There are hardly any women in the office so there's no catty bullshit I have to deal with. The women that do work there aren't as cute as me.

I should get paid every 2 weeks. Not the 15th and last day of the month but every 2 weeks so I get a couple months out of the year where it happens that I get 3 paychecks because of the way the dates work out.

I should be able to wear whatever I want when I do decide to grace the office with my presence but everyone I work with is pretty fashion conscience so it inspires me to dress nicely.

This job should be impressive or at least mildly interesting to most people when I tell them what I do for a living. It should pay me at least $75k per year.

And there should be a nap room at the office in case I need a little rest.

Any ideas?

Baby Fat vs. Body Fat

I was at the gym yesterday and this woman on the ellipti-girly machine next to me was the fuuuuuh-reakist worker-outer I've ever seen!

She was pumping her arms like crazy. I thought, "I bet she's picturing her cheating ex-husband is standing in front of her or something." She was grunting out loud too which is so annoying to me. I'm like...alriiiight, alriiiiight. We get it. You're working out. Now shut the fuck up and let me workout too - in peace.

The worst thing though was she had pulled her t-shirt up to her bra line. And the t-shirt was able to just sit up there because it was resting on her HUGE gut! And she wasn't pregnant!

It's become acceptable to have your belly hanging out if you happen to be pregnant and I agree that is okay because it's something to be proud of and happy about and it's a beautiful, miraculous event. Celebrate it! Show it off!

But BODY FAT?!?! Nonononononononono. NOBODY wants to see that! I was so bothered by this girl's pasty white gut bouncing up and down and aggressive elliptical style that I had to pick the machine farthest from her so I wouldn't have her in my peripheral vision and her grunting in my right ear. Then of course my DVD player didn't work so I had to get on the one right next to her. I listed to my DVD really loudly and stared straight ahead and it all worked out fine (pun intended).

Having fat and going to the gym to workout is great. Go for it. But I don't want to see it jiggling and sweating everywhere.

I must admit though it was a great motivator for me to work my ass off so I don't end up looking like her. Sorry. That was mean...but it what I was thinking.

Funny Dancer? FUNNY Dancer?!?!?!

Last night we took a friend of ours out to wish him well because he's moving to Singapore. He requested a "relaxing evening" so naturally we spent the night club hopping, destroying ourselves with alcohol then attempting to repair the 6 hours of damage by inhaling cheap chicken sandwiches before eventually crawling home.

It's all one guy's fault who bought us tequila and tabasco shots ("TT's" if you will). I must admit it was a genius move to have the tabasco sauce in the bottom of the glass. Replaced one stinging sensation with another.





















From that point forward the night went into overdrive. We found out today that we were "that group of people bouncing up and down" at this bar Tivo. I was in my dance zone and therefore oblivious to how obnoxious we must have been to everyone else. That's the beauty (and purpose) of guzzling so much alcohol I suppose. If I don't SEE the horrified looks on people's faces then they don't exist.

After Tivo we went to a dance club called Drop which is normally tough to get into but we had a chick with us who's a DJ so we were deemed worthy enough (just barely judging by the look on the reluctant doorgirl's face) and granted entrance.

Wanting to make the most of my temporary admittance into the cool people's party I whipped out some of my best dance moves and even created some new ones. Hour after hour I remained committed to finessing the Art of the Club Dance despite the fact that my stubborn 80-year old knees were putting up a fight the entire time. Once I get going NOTHING can stop my dancing! Not knee pain...not ripping a hole in my $400 dress...not a bouncer turning on the lights, grabbing my arm and saying, "Seriously sweetie...it's time to go." Nothing.

The reason I'm SO dedicated to my craft is that after a few drinks my ego convinces me that I am a So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance-worthy dancer. And I would never want to disappoint my fans so I make sure the show goes alllll night loooooong.

At 3pm today I was finally able to roll my poisoned body the 10 feet from my bed to my couch so I could begin piecing together the blur of events that was the night before. To begin my investigation I read an email from the DJ chick who was with us and she said,

"Stacey - you have the funniest dance moves. Good stuff!"

.....................WhatchootalkinboutWillis?

I'm not a FUNNY dancer!!! I'm a cooooooool dancer!!!

So today I was quickly fed a piece humble crumble pie as my hangover meal (it had a little too much cinnamon and reality but otherwise tasted good).

Well, WHATEVER type of dancer I am I think it's necessary for the soul to dance as much as possible in life. No matter what you look like. It makes you feel good! So get off the couch, play a song that inspires you and shake that ass!

I Showered with a Cockroach

Unfortunately, this blog post's title isn't a cute play on words.

I literally showered with a cockroach today.

Hong Kong's bug of choice is the VERY large cockroach. I've killed about 6 in the past 6 weeks in my apartment. It's so disgusting and it doesn't get any easier the more kills I rack up. And as soon as I feel safe again and think, "Huh. I haven't seen one in awhile. Maybe cockroach season is over?" another one shows up in the weirdest place scaring the shit out of me (my most favorite place was the tray in my washing machine where I pour my detergent).

I spray about 1/2 can of Raid on each one. Not unlike someone with a gun who freaks out and shoots someone 27 times even though 1 or 2 bullets would probably do the trick. I admit that screaming, "DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRRR!" is probably a bit dramatic (and not so fun for my old Chinese neighbors) but it's necessary. After he's wiggled his last wiggle I slowly work up the courage to transfer him to a trash can. This takes at least 10-15 minutes. I've determined that using a file folder to pick them up is best as it's thin enough to scoop him up and unlike a wad of papertowels there's absolutely no chance my fingers will have to feel his freshly dead carcass. Plus, that's more "green" of me anyway, right? Why waste 20 papertowels on one cockroach? I'm so dedicated.

The latest fucker to invade my space was in my bathroom sink the other night. I sprayed the Raid but he crawled into a crack in the sink somewhere and I couldn't get to him. Plus, the light bulbs are out in my bathroom so I couldn't see anything.

I hadn't seen him since but everytime I'd go in my bathroom I was watching... waiting...

Then today I go into the shower - which is about 5 feet long by 3 feet wide - and I did a cockroach check before I entered and didn't see him (remember it's dark in there right now).

Then about halfway through my exfoliation phase I looked in the back corner and saw a suspicious, black object! Fucker! He was dead so I guess I got enough Raid on him to cause a slow, agonizing death. Good.

I thought the sanitary thing to do is of course to stop my shower and get rid of him but I was running late for a dinner and since he was in the half of the shower that the water doesn't even reach and I never have to step into (it's a huge shower) I just left him there while I finished showering.

I know this is a totally disgusting story and I have no idea what it says about me that I share these tidbits of my life. But there it is...

I showered with a cockroach today.

P.S. Sorry for the photo but I feel it aids the story in fully illustrating my ordeal.

UPDATE: There was ANOTHER ONE in my shower this morning! And he was alive!!! I'm so over this shit! Get me out of here!

Scary Haha

This morning I rolled out of bed and went to the fridge. I grabbed my water bottle. Then I opened the cabinet and grabbed a cereal bowl. Next, I MEANT to grab my box of cereal and pour it into the bowl but instead...

I opened the bottle of water and filled the bowl with water. Filled the entire bowl before I realized that this wasn't something I was supposed to be doing. So, like a dog, I had a bowl of water and a bowl of food for breakfast this morning. I didn't go so far as to sip the water from my bowl with quick slurps of my tongue as I thought that might be taking it a bit far.

I definitely take after my dad. It's not scary-oh-my-god but more scary-haha to me.

Need more sleepy!

Doomed?

Instead of going to the gym this afternoon to work off the pizza and chocolate cake I ate for dinner last night I went to see the "Sex & The City" movie - again. To add a point or two back to my cool column I must add that the first time I saw it I missed the first 15-20 minutes so I felt the need to see the entire movie from start to finish. After watching every single episode at least 3 times I figured I owed the movie at least that consideration. And myself.

After it was finished... I couldn't help but wonder... Is it possible to write about sex and relationships without sounding like Carrie Bradshaw?

I believe it is! Everyone has their own voice after all and - like snowflakes - no two relationships are exactly alike. Let's just hope they don't all start out white, fluffy and beautiful and end up as black, filthy slush.

I believe I will find a Grand Love and this movie does nothing but support me in continuing that belief. But it's just a movie. I shouldn't take it too seriously, right? Meanwhile, back in non-movieland I have friends that are going through divorces, raising children on their own, calling their relationship status "It's complicated" on social networking sites even though they're married, lowering their standards one notch for each year they get older and still find themselves single, etc. And none of us can afford a closet full of Manolos.

But for some reason - despite all of the failed relationships out there (or attempts to find one) - I seem to think that it's not going to happen to me. I still believe that I'm going to find a great guy and we're going to spend our lives together. Is it my ego? A big fat case of denial? Have I seen too many rom-com movies?

I think the answer is two-fold:

(1) I'm a hopeless romantic. Actually, I'd like to think of is as hopeFULL romantic. And I believe good things come to good people. And good things come to those who wait. Basically, there are too many cliches about good things and good people to ignore them all.

(2) My parents. They're still together and very much in love. They've had some really tough times but they committed to each other and made it through. I can't ask for a better example to aspire to than that.

Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go walk around town in high-heeled shoes that I bought at Payless for $17.99. Did Carrie Bradshaw EVER get blisters?

2 weeks...

I have 2 weeks left until I leave HK. I'm in this familiar but frustrating place where I'm trying to pack in all the things I must do before I leave. Make sure to buy that thing that'll forever remind me of my time in Hong Kong. Need to go to that restaurant because I'm really going to miss the way they make my eggs. I try to have meaningful, fun times with my friends but I can't really be "present" because there are 1,000 things swirling around in my brain. Like, how I need to begin the agonizing process of going through all of my drawers wondering how I could've possibly accumulated so much shit in only 10 months time. And try not to break into a stress-induced tear fit when the littlest thing like talking to the Chinese lady at the cable company upsets me. Then...in the end...I don't do any of these things because I get sucked into an "Ugly Betty" marathon on TV (I totally want to work at a dysfunctional magazine now. And buy a bunch of shoes I can't afford).

-change of topic-

God, I need a date. The best sex I've had in the past 3 months when I was scratching the 13 mosquito bites on my legs OR it might have been when I finally sneezed after wheezing over and over for a solid minute. I just can't decide. I hope British men are cute.

-change of topic #2-

I watched "Reality Bites" and I miss the young, greasy, philosophically conflicted Ethan Hawke. Now all we have is this old, cleaner cut, morally deficient Ethan Hawke.

Getting older sucks.

Cheese

I've had cheese in one form or another as the main dish in the past 4 consecutive meals.

Love Laos

I had a great time in Luang Prabang.

I've never been somewhere where the monks live amongst the people as much as they do there. Made me feel really peaceful and safe.

The tuk-tuk drivers didn't bother me as much there as they do in other places. Although one time a guy took an orange road construction cone and from across the road and yelled "TUK-TUK LADY?!?!" Then I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled back, "NO THANK YOU!!!" He and his guy friends laughed like crazy that I played along.

I met a 28-year old Irish guy one night. I was eating alone as I always do on these trips and he knocked my chair from behind and asked me to join him. I hesitated as it would be much easier to continue reading my Vanity Fair article about how Willy Clinton loused (that's "louse" not "Laos") up Hilly Clinton's presidential campaign but then I thought, "Why take the easy route and be alone?" Even though I could barely understand the poor lad as his Irish accent was so thick it's a stretch to call it English (I guess it would be Engrish? Please forgive me) it was nice to talk with him.

He wanted me to drink beer with him and stay out late (even though there's NOTHING to do in that town) but I had to get up at 5am the next morning so I turned him down. Then he invited me for breakfast the next morning. Again, I hesitated but said yes. We met the next morning and had a nice chat over really bad omelettes and bacon.

Lesson learned = It's nice put forth the effort to have conversations with guys even though you have no interest in dating them because it's nice to just... get to know people. No agenda. I've become too trained to look for "that special someone" that I might have shut out other people because I didn't feel they have potential. It's good to have eggs with the Irish guy every once in awhile so I don't wallow in my "I'm all alone" bullshit.

Strolling along the Mekong River was a highlight.

Great things to shop for in Luang Prabang: Silver, silk textiles, cheap art

Beer Lao = good stuff















Mekong River












Monks















Cutie Patootie























Night Market

Thanks to Remi for all of the information. Otherwise I wouldn't have taken the trip!

Little trip

I'm heading to Laos for a few days. Will be back on Saturday. For those who aren't quite sure where Laos is...or thought a Laos was an unethical person...

Here's a map:










It's supposed to rain the entire time I'm there but hopefully I'll be able to take some photos and see some stuff. Have a good week everyone!

Dragon Boat Races

Last Sunday I went to the Annual Dragon Boat races in Stanley, Hong Kong. It was a damn hot day with low tide and too many people trying to stand on the beach watching the races.















See?

After spending all day, every day alone in my apartment it took me awhile to get adjusted to the masses of wet and sweaty people. I just hate that feeling when the air is so thick you can slice it and serve it with with ice cream...nothing you do brings any relief so you decide to just stand there and take it...then you feel a drop of sweat slowly drip down your back until it lands in the pool accumulating in your ass crack. Good stuff.

I finally just sucked it up and enjoyed watching the races. Our friend Yumi was competing with her company's team so we watched her race (see below)
















Yumi's 2nd from the back in the white team's boat.

After Yumi's race Brigitte and I sought refuge at the over-airconditioned Pacific Coffee then barely made it back in time to see our guy friends compete in their race. They won the whole event last year so our expectations were high but due to a steering mishap in their first race they missed being able to compete in the top final race by 1 point. Bummer.

7pm - the partying began on Main Street in Stanley. There was a neverending sea of people...
















...which is always exciting to me because that means there are that many more potential MEN to flirt with! Unfortunately, all that happened was I saw a guy who spent the night at my apartment last fall and he didn't remember me. Then I saw a guy who was interested in me after meeting me at the Rugby 7's (Imagine THAT! A guy was interested in me after seeing me wearing a slutty nurse's outfit?) but I didn't feel like saying hi to him so I did the mature thing and avoided looking at him all night long. Then we met a drunk French guy with a blue fish (long story).

Needless to say I didn't meet the love of my life but we did dance our butts off to all the same songs I heard at every single frat party I attended in college ("Tainted Love", etc.).

11:30pm - They cut the music off because there were actually people living above these bars. We weren't ready to call it a night just yet so we moved the party to Lan Kwai Fong, took over Bar George and made it a dance club.
















See?

1am? - Someone brought a frisbee so an impromptu game of street frisbee began right in LKF. Of course I couldn't help but participate (read: show off). I'll add those pictures when I get them from Brigitte.

2am - 5am?? - Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.... stuff happened? At this point I would just be playing a never ending game of "Fill in the blank" and as much fun as that game is I think I'll just let whatever happened during this time remain a mystery.

5am??? - After a breakfast meal...I finally went to bed around 6am or so. Then my alarm went off at 9am because I forgot to turn it off. So that was awesome. Then the cable guy came at 10am so I stayed awake contemplating why I never seem to learn my lesson that drinking too much makes my stomach and head not feel so good the next day.

While I was contemplating this conundrum of all conundrums I was experiencing the typical waves of hot flashes but they were more intense due to my fucking broken A/C.

Around 3pm I was finally able to experience the upright, forward motion that homo sapiens worked so hard to achieve without wanting to puke or passout. So I met Brigitte, et. al. for some much needed pizza. They went running at 5pm and I thought it would be a good idea to try and run with Ironman athletes on a bum knee after dancing for 6 hours the night before. Also, while still being hungover and digesting pizza in 90% humidity.

WTF is my problem? What am I trying to prove?

I ran with them for about 7 minutes and then had to let them continue without me. They're so in shape. I'm totally jealous.

After we all showered we ate Indian food and watched "Swingers". Much to my delight only one person other than myself had seen it. So I was able to introduce that movie to two Frenchmen and a Swiss gal. I felt good doing my part to educate these fine people on what a good movie is. And what LA is all about.

So that was this past Sunday/Monday and here it is the following Saturday and I'm still recovering. I love HK but it'll be good for me to move on. I can't keep up with this lifestyle much longer or my body's gonna age 15 years in one month's time and then just spontaneously combust.

Good Stuff

I just rode on the back of a French Ironman athlete's BMW motorcycle with the amazing skyline of Hong Kong as my view the whole way.

I have no idea how I get to these places in my life but I love it!

More about the weekend later. My brain is still putting the pieces together...

Damn Yellow Fever

The one and only man who I connected with in Hong Kong has succombed to the vicious Yellow Fever. Or so says the rumor mill (which I always believe).

I went out on a few dates with him and we liked each other but he's always out of town on business for weeks at a time. So that makes it impossible to date. (God damnit... fine!) After a short mourning period, I let go of the idea of dating him and instead decided to "be available" should he want to "hang out" when he IS in town. After all, he's a guy I'm attracted to, one who I trust and also don't want to kick out of bed in the morning. Not easy to find.

I demostrated my new mindset by wearing a slutty nurse outfit to the Rugby 7's tournament and bringing him back to my place afterwards.

He left the next morning. I didn't call, I didn't write. Couldn't be more low maintenance.

A few weeks later I was drunk and texted him a sexy little message and we had fun flirting back and forth and getting creative with the emoticons. He said he'd be in touch the next time he was in town and I smiled to myself and thought, "Sweet. My plan worked. At least my needs will be met while I'm in HK."

That was in late March and I never heard from him again. I went out with some of his friends last night and was told the rumor is he's developed an aggresive case of Yellow Fever.

Symptoms typically include:

Low Self-esteem
Horniness
Extreme Laziness
Empty Wallet
Dating Size Double-zero Asian chicks in 4 hour intervals

I try really hard never to judge people and I'm not judging him but I am pissed off/disappointed. I understand his situation but I couldn't have made it ANY EASIER for him. He doesn't even have to BUY me. Just meet me for a drink (that I'll pay for) and then he can have as much FREE sex as he wants. And there's no threat of suffocating me as I have the body of an actual woman and not a 12-year old boy. And no threat of an STD which is always a plus.

This is definitely not the type of relationship I'm looking for in life as it just makes me feel empty in the end but it would've been a nice thing to keep me going for my last few months in The Kong.

Once I make it back to the states I will NEVER EVER AGAIN complain about dating options (okay, that's so not true but I'll try my best). Go international and you have a whole new set of issues.

One thing I am looking forward to when I move to London is lesser amounts of transient men and Asian chicks.

[Sigh]

I want a bf.

That's all. Just needed to complain for a second...

(aaaaand.....moving on)

I had another great time with Brigitte and some of her girl friends last night (Why do I feel like I need to separate the words "girl" and "friend" when speaking about non-lesbian relationships and not separate it when I am speaking about lesbian relationships?). We ate at Wagyu which is my fav place. Why?

Hot people + good food = fav place

I'm done with my master cleanse, thank God, Allah, Mohammed, Angelina Jolie, etc. I missed food! Next time I want to detox I'm going to find another way to do it that lets you at least eat SOMEthing!

My move date keeps changing for London. Just when I think it's settled something else comes up. Now I have to go to the states to apply for my UK work visa. Which is actually GREAT because I'll get a free week in NY!!!! It's not 100% settled yet but will most likely happen. I hope everyone I want to see is in town. I miss NY so much it hurts. Well, it doesn't HURT but it certainly doesn't feel good.

This Sunday is the Dragon Boat races in HK. I'm so excited! I'm friends with the guys that won the whole thing last year (over 140 boats compete) so it should be a blast!

Carat* Jewelry

I was a lucky duck and went to a 30% off private party at Carat* last night. It's a FABULOUS jewelry store. The diamonds are fake so I wouldn't go there but the semi-precious stone jewelry is great. Below is what I bought and I'm so excited about it! They only have locations in HK, London and NY so if you're ever in one of those three places and want some feminine, unique jewelry definitely check them out!



























Large stone is clear crystal and the little ones are aquamarine (light blue)

HK Hearts Perez

We're totally going to be famous. Stay tuned.......

Debt

I'm so excited!

My debt was at a scarily high $25,000 when I started this job and it's the whole reason I TOOK this job.

Now it's down to $15,000 and counting!!!

I'm no longer the person they're referring to in those commercials for credit counseling services when they say:

"Is your debt at $5,000....$10,000....or EVEN $25,000?!?!"

It was NOT a good feeling to be at the top amount that's only included to scare the shit out of you.