Let Down

I wish I didn't care about Valentine's Day. I know those girls. They have a great perspective on life and realize that life could be much worse and is for most people in the world.

But I'm not one of them.

Just ONCE I want to be the girl at the office that gets flowers from the great guy in her life. That's not her father. Every couple of years my dad will send me an email or a card. One year he sent me a little package. He's very sweet and he tries. I should rejoice in that. I love my dad.

But again - just ONCE - I want to be dating someone on Valentine's Day. My whole life I've never had a true Valentine. This year I was SOOOO close with Matt The Brit. He's such a sweetheart so I thought that he would probably text me today saying something cute and that would've made my whole day. I would've been on cloud nine.

But he didn't. I am by no means expecting him to do anything since we JUST started dating but it would've been a smooth move on his part.

I tried working out to see if the endorphins would help my mood but no luck.

So I came home and ate a bowl of popcorn, a bowl of cereal, too much chocolate and a glass of wine by myself at home. And I cried today because my boss emailed me something and I couldn't grasp the time zone change so I didn't understand if a meeting was happening today or tomorrow. If most poeple read the same email they would've assumed what I did but of course we were wrong. And I started crying because I'm PMS-ing, it's Valentine's Day and I'm single and I have the biggest guilt complex in the world because I'm getting paid too much to do a simple secretary job that 10 years ago I would've kicked ass at but now at age 33 I keep fucking up because I just don't care. And even when I push myself to care because I'm getting paid a lot I still fuck up. I used to maybe fuck up like one time every few months...now it's much more often. I think my cousin is surprised at how many stupid questions I've had to ask him. His reactions are priceless and very telling.

I'm having a very big ego-hurting-feel-sorry-for-myself-pathetic day. But I'll get over it. I always do!