Bad week

I started to freak out about my situation with Dave and had a couple of bad moments with him this week. I snapped at him on Tuesday night at dinner for no reason. Then this weekend we went out Saturday night and actually had a BLAST. Went to this great restaurant, Momofuku, with Pete, Crisi, Aaron & Beth. We got wasted though. Wasted.

Beth was so great to me. She was telling me that they hated his last girlfriend and she knows that Dave's life is really complicated which makes him frustrating to date but she said she wants me to hang in there because they like me so much. Felt so good to hear her say that. I thought it was so sweet.

I was frustrated when Dave and I got back to my place that night because I wanted to be with him so badly but he was too tired to have sex. And - as always - I understand as he spent the day busting through concrete in the ground behind his house to try and rebuild his deck and was up early in the morning and we didn't get home until 3am. But the fact remains that we don't have sex that often and it frustrates me.

So Sunday we went to brunch with Pete and Crisi. I was hungover and proceeded to have 5 drinks. Got drunk. And I can be a bitchy, moody drunk. I started thinking ahead to this summer when Dave's going to be busier than he is now and got really depressed.

In the car on the way home he could tell I was frustrated that he wasn't staying with me that night and said, "It's not like I'm running around getting drunk with friends." I know, I know. Then he apologized for being too tired Saturday night. I told him it's okay but I'm still frustrated. Then I asked him if he's going to be busier this summer than he is now because I need to prepare myself emotionally and he said yes.

I got really quiet. I told him I need a "state of the union" this week and I got pouty and left the whole great weekend on a sour note. I HATE that I did that - I feel really bad - but I was drunk and in my mood.

We've been dating for 2 months and he really could be it for me. I have no idea where his head is though. So I'm equally looking forward to chatting with him this week and also scared to death. One thing that will help us is for me to not get so freakin' wasted. I'll work on that.

What I'm going to tell him is that I understand the amount of pressure he's under and I certainly don't want to add to that. So I'm going to work on my attitude and try not to get pouty and pissy when he can't spend the night. I'm sure I will sometimes but I'm going to work on that part of my personality. But what I need from him is to know if he sees potential in "us" and if he's really hoping I'll hang in there with him. If he does feel that way then the frustration of dealing with his schedule and lack of energy will be worth it.

Because he's worth it. He's fucking amazing. I'm in HEAVEN when I'm with him and he'll be worth the wait.

I'm also going to tell him that what will help me get through the frustrating times is for him to send me a tiny text message that says, "miss you" or something like that. Would make my whole day. Just every once in awhile as a nice surprise. I'm a girl and I need to hear that shit every once in awhile.

Now - will I be able to get through this conversation without crying? Prooooobably not because I'm so fucking sensitive and nervous about it but we'll see.