It's getting bad people...

My mom sent me an email which contained an image of a computer-generated, silouetted woman rotating on the heel of one of her feet. I was supposed to take note of which direction the woman rotated - clockwise or counter-clockwise. Depending on which way she turned it was then determined that I am a left- or right-brained thinker.

All I saw was that whatever horny computer guy created her made sure to include nipples on her boobs. I thought, "He must be hard up."

Then I thought, "If the first thing I notice on this woman is her nipples....."

I need to have sex. It's been since March. I'll have to vote Republican this November as I'll be a BORN-AGAIN! Okay, I'll be a Born Again VIRGIN and not a Born Again CHRISTIAN but I might become religious anyway so I can pray and sex will come to me. Is that how it works?

Eh...worth a shot.

Me: God?

God: Yoooo, Bunch! What up?

Me: Hey heyyyyyy. Not much, not much. Just chillin'. You know. [beat...] Hey, listen. I know it's been a loooooooooooooooooong time since I've called but...well...let's be honest...I'm an atheist. And the fact that you answered is seriously WIGGIN' me out right now but I'm not gonna go there because I have more pressing matters. I need a favor. Could you give me a break and send a strapping, well-endowed British rugby player with a lot of energy and time on his hands my way? The shit's dryin' up you see and I'm too busy to work out and make myself appealing to the opposite sex. Gotsta get this situuuuu down here taken care of STAT!

God: How's tonight at 10pm?

Me: Suh-WEET!!! You're an angel you know that? Thanks. I gotta go get ready but I swear to God next time we'll talk about you.

(P.S. I'm right-brained)