Chinese People Don't Sweat

The humidity came back to Hong Kong with a vengeance this week which means there's a bit more strategy involved whenever I'm forced to leave my freon-filled apartment. For example, if FedEx is the destination then I make sure to walk on the side of the street with the largest stores because just as I teeter on the glisten-or-sweat tipping point, a luxury watch store will have it's front door open and I get just enough of that sweet A/C (or "Air Con" as the locals refer to it) to keep the sweat bubbles at bay.

However, this barely bearable route isn't always available so what usually happens is my core body temperature shoots into triple digits and the physical reactions begin.

My facial pores confuse the heavy, wet air for the beginnings of a lymphatic drainage facial and I quickly begin to resemble Edward James Olmos. Instead of lavender essential oils and natural plant extracts soothing my pores - it's Sweat. The chemical reaction between my foundation, eye makeup, blush and The Sweat results in a cellular-level clustering so I end up with gigantic, glittery globs on all the wrong parts of my face instead of the nice evened-out look I started out with only moments earlier. What makeup has remained intact is eventually removed when I'm forced to wipe off - The Sweat.

Then, despite my obsessive use of Secret's Clinical Strength Anti-perspirant the pit stains appear. Apparently I'm pro-perspirant. (I didn't realize I was so conservative. They say that happens the older you get though.) Due to my pro-perspirant stance I've never spent more than $25 on a white shirt because it'll be ruined by said pit stains by summer's end (or I will have spilled red wine, spaghetti sauce or black ink on it but that's another issue).

I'll spare you other details of my sweaty escapades (I wish they were as scandalous as that sounds) such as sweat dripping down my back and into my ass crack, hair getting stuck in my arm pits and other such attractive happenings.

I can even handle all of this - no problem - if it weren't for the fact that I'm the ONLY one that's having this reaction. Well, myself and a bunch of Aussie guys.

Chinese people DON'T sweat!

Makes me feel like this: