Bucket of soda anyone? A barrel of popcorn, perhaps?

At the end of my work day today I decided to go to the movies to see "Notes on a Scandal" which was pretty good but that's not the point of this blog entry.

I knew the ins and outs of all my movie theaters in LA and it's been an adventure getting to know the theaters here. Union Square is where you go to see the big budget movies but you MUST buy tickets on Fandango (and spend an extra $1/ticket) ahead of time because anything good is always sold out. THEN you have to get there at LEAST 30 minutes before the movie starts to get in line outside the theater door if you have any hope of landing a seat that's not in the first row all the way to the right.

But what if you want to buy snacks? Oh, you have to get there even 20 minutes EARLIER to stand in THAT line. The smallest soda size you can buy is of course a "small" but it's a 32 OZ. BUCKET OF SODA for $4.25!!!

What the FUCK?!?!

Who wants to drink a bucket of soda and then sit still for 2 hours? I'm scared to see what the large soda looks like. Maybe they took the old large-sized popcorn barrels they don't need anymore (because that size is just to embarassingly small to sell these days) and used those for the large sodas.

Maybe I'll do "Super Size Me Part 2" and live in the Union Square movie theater for 30 days and only live off of what they sell there. I'll record my slow demise as I become glued to the toilet, be perpetually damp from all my tears representing what life with vegetables used to be like...oh, and I'll be homeless on Day 31 because it'd cost a month's rent to afford the "food" there (I just did the math on a calculator).

So for a Union Square flick I've learned that I have to leave my apartment at least 1 1/2 hours before the show starts to have any chance of a happy experience.

Fuckers.

I was hoping the Angelica theater near work would be better. And it is better in that I didn't have to get there early but those bitches tempt you with the widest assortment of beautiful baked goods I've ever seen in my life. Anything you could possibly want. Cookies, brownies, cakes, pies, danishes, bagels, etc. You name it, they got it. And of course for a low, low price.

Since I actually got my ass out of bed at 6:45am this morning and braved the cold to go to the gym I thought it best not to ruin that effort it took to burn 500 calories by eating a lemon bar. Excuse me...a lemon cinder block. It's seriously that big.

So I go downstairs where they have the regular snacks for people that like it old school. All I wanted was a coke and a small popcorn. I thought I had these NY theaters down pat and was prepared for my bucket of soda and barrel of popcorn but not at Angelica theater.

I was pleasantly surprised when the small-sized soda cup was actually pretty small. Excited, I ordered that and a small popcorn. Total was $3.85! No way! Sweet!

Got the cup (gotta fill it myself though - wouldn't want to put out the teenagers flirting behind the register) but no p'corn. Apparently, they didn't hear me. So it was $3.85 for a 12 oz. cup of soda! You've gotta be fucking KIDDING me! At least Union Square gives me a bucket to play with. There I feel like I'm at least getting something for my money. So much potential really. Wanna go fishing for Sour Patch Kids in my bucket of soda?

I hadn't had dinner so I asked for the popcorn and they tried to charge me $4.75 for a bag that would maaaaaybe contain 5 handfuls. I told them to forget it and acted all annoyed. Muttered to myself as I walked away, "I'll just starve I guess."

The point of this longass blog entry is to teach anyone who actually read this entire thing to buy your can of soda, chips and candy at the convenience store BEFOREHAND. I know the theaters make their money off of the snacks but it's totally out of control.

Hmmmm...now I'm thirsty. Where's my bucket?