The Latest

I had pizza for dinner tonight. I needed it because I was hungover. From my going away party. Where am I going?

I'm moving to NYC in 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been wanting to live there ever since I can remember. My parents still have a framed picture of me hanging off the Wall Street sign at their house. Of course that was back in the day when I was a Finance major thinking I was going to move to NY and become some powerbroker chick.

So what if it's TEN years later and I'm moving without having a job OR a place to live? I'm totally secure with that. What? What are you looking at? Stop looking at me like that. I am NOT a loser. Jerry Maguire = loser. Me? I'm still working on my mission statement, alright? Or is it a memo?

Yeah, it might not be the smartest move, but I can't keep waiting for one of our pilots to get picked up. If you want something you can't wait around forever for it to happen to you. You have to make it happen. So that's what I'm doing. [fuck me]

The timing is right because we don't have much going on workwise and I would have to sign a lease on a new apartment soon if I wanted to stay in LA. And I don't. I'm subletting right now from the lead actor of the Toronto show but time's running out on that deal...plus, I'm just ready to go.

I have a lead on an apartment in the West Village. A friend of a friend is looking for a roommate and it could not be a more perfect situation. I've spoken with my potential roommate on the phone and it seems like we'd get along great as roommates. So fingers crossed that works out.

I also have a couple of general interviews set up with some big wigs so that makes me feel a little better about the no job thing. SOMEthing will come up eventually. It's just timing.

It's such a surreal feeling to watch something on TV about NY and know that I'll soon be LIVING there. Ah! This is huge...overwhelming really. The only negative is that I won't have my LA people with me. Can't imagine living in a city without certain friends of mine. Don't want to think about it...nooooot thinking about it. [tear]

So that's the big news.

In addition, I of course have a Joe update. I've been away from Toronto and him for over 2 months now and he's still on my mind all of the time. I'm head over heels for this guy. I miss him so God damn much! We've been emailing and have chatted on the phone twice. The first time was for 3 hours and cost $70. Freakin' Canada. The first 2 1/2 hours was great converation. Making each other laugh...then sighing...sitting in silence...confessing how much we missed each other...how much we think about each other...laughing again.

Then Joe led me down the dirty, dirty path to phone sex. He's such a bad, bad boy. Thank God! I was technically still able to wear a white dress when it came to phone sex so I had no idea what I was supposed to say. I let him do most of the talking. I'd start to say something and then felt like an idiot and would just moan and...you know what? Don't need to share all the details. We had phone sex. There. And it probably cost me about $12 in cell phone charges. Huh - I suppose that means I paid for sex. With a phone. Sweet - now I can check that off my list of "Things to Accomplish Before I'm 40".

The second phone conversation was recent. In the past 2 months he hadn't brought up whether or not he'd moved out of his girlfriend's apartment. He had broken up with her twice while I was there but she wasn't accepting it. He had told me that it was over and he was hoping to move into his brother's place in a week.

I assumed that he did just that. Although, part of me wondered because he never brought it up. So I finally did. And he's still living with her. I was upset and fired a machine gun of questions at him. It's a strange situation. She's messed up in the head. Threatened to kill herself the last time he broke up with her. He's all freaked out that she's going to follow through on her threat if he leaves. He sleeps on the couch most nights and they hardly ever see each other.

He's not the guy that's trying to have his cake and eat it too. Quite the opposite actually. He's sleeping on the couch in one situation and then I'm 3,000 miles away. So he without cake at the moment.

He said that he's "weak" and "too nice" and doesn't know how to leave. I suggested he seek the advice of a professional. I told him that we couldn't go on emailing each other the way we do and talking on the phone the way we do if he's still with her. It's not right. It's not fair. He agreed. I think neither one of us brought this up earlier because we didn't want to face reality. But we need to. I said I didn't know if I wanted to continue with "us" and he said, "You came out of the blue to me. I think about you every day. Please hang in there with me. Hang in there a little while until I can figure this out." I paused and said, "Okay, but I'm not waiting forever."

Last night I had my going away party. It was bittersweet. So many of my favorite people showed up and it was great having everyone in the same place - and for me. But to say goodbye is hard. I'm surprised with all the wine I was drinking that I didn't cry.

During the going away party Joe called my cell 5 times. While he was calling I was surely sharing this story with someone inquiring about our status.

On the way to Canter's (had to get the late night food - and subsequent stomach problems - one last time) I listen to his voicemail and he said that his grandmother died. He and his family buried her on Friday. Then they went to the premiere of "Hollywoodland" in which he has his first acting job in a major movie that night. I can't imagine how strange that day must have been for him.

Then he said he broke up with the girlfriend and "it's done." I've never smiled so big. I left him a message today and saying that I'd like to speak with him is the understatement of my life. I think I've listened to his voicemail 999 times. I think I'll go listen to it again. Might as well make it an even thou.

I need to know what "it's done" exactly means. If he's moving out then I'm on cloud nine.

I think we're actually going to get our shot! Hopefully he'll call me soon so I can get the whole story.