Annoying Day

So I’m in line at Grey Dogs by myself getting ready to order some breakfast. I’m used to eating by myself. It rarely bothers me, but today…it bothered me.

It was late morning on a Sunday so the place was packed with couples who had just rolled out of bed after no doubt having had sex the night before. I told myself that my Saturday night with my vibrator and then a pillow behind my back was a pretty damn good temporary filler for a man [sigh]. The couple in line behind me were very much in love with each other. Which I think is great. I’m not one of those people that hates happy couples when I’m single. I’m truly happy for them.

But this particular couple was annoying the shit out of me. He would give her a big hug every 60 seconds and when he did he would say something sweet like, “You’re so beautiful” and then she would giggle and then the weight of him hugging her would force her arm to move just enough so that her big ass purse would hit me in the butt.

This happened over…and over…and over…and over again.

With every hit in the ass it was like I was being reminded…

[hit] “I’m single.”
[hit] “I’m single.”
[hit] “I’m single.”

I did the turn-around-and-give-a-annoyed-look move and she finally said “sorry” but proceeded to hit me another 12 times.

Then the host guy who helps you find a table asks me if I’m eating in. I confirm that indeed I am. He says, “Wellll, I’m going to have to put you at that table on the end over there. We don’t usually get singles in here.”

Now he had the best of intentions and was a really sweet guy…and I was feeling a bit sensitive after receiving a barrage of ass taps reminding me of my relationship status…but he shouldn’t have said that.

I wanted to cry but I sucked it up and said, “That’s fine. I’ll sit wherever.”

After ordering, I sat down and just stared at everyone in the place as I forgot to bring something to read.

It took way too long for the food to come out. But it finally did. And I reminded myself that I just happen to be single right now. It won’t be forever.

It’ll just feel like it.

I'm off!

Flying to Hong Kong tomorrow. Mixed feelings. This is a huge opportunity that most people would kill for and I am really excited about it. But I suppose it's the having to leave NYC and not knowing exactly what my job's going to entail that are the big negatives.

Regardless...I'm sure to have some great adventures ahead!

Here we go.......

Hong Kong...yay!

So I had an "I Love NY" day and was feeling bummed to leave it for Hong Kong and then I just got this email from a friend of a friend - a French banker/sailor guy - and I was all of a sudden in a better mood:

Hi Stacey,

Welcome to HK ! Chad had indeed given me a heads-up on your imminent
arrival and my mission here will be to help you settle in, feel at home
and take up residence :-p (I came here for a 12 month project
originally and have been here for 4 1/2 years now). As most of us have,
think you will love it if shown the "real" sides (that visitors usually
don't get to see).

Hong Kong? Eh...

I'm not that excited about Hong Kong. I know I should be but I'm just not. I think I was finally getting into a groove socially in NY and I really love the city so I'm sad I might have to leave it. It's one thing to say, "Suuuure, I'll move to Hong Kong and London" but it's a whole other thing to actually do it.

I'm only going for a month at first and am then coming back to NYC but I have a feeling I'll be moving to Hong Kong soon. I'm basing this on comments my cousin has made in emails about the situation.

It's all good and will be an amazing adventure but I suppose it's all just hitting me today. I LOVE the location of my apartment and will be really sad to give it up. Eh, hopefully I can return after all of this and afford my OWN apartment in the same location.

Maybe part of it too is that I don't want to actually have to....you know....work. Haha. I've been able to get paid to do nothing for the past 9 months and I've gotten used to it. Im such a lazy piece of crap.

I am looking forward to buying a digital SLR camera and taking some great pictures while I'm there. I need new inspiration. I feel like every part of New York has already been photographed 1,000 times.

The Weekend So Far - 9/8/07

God, I was so drunk last night. Got home at friggin' 5am. WHY oh WHY do I feel the need to check AND SEND emails when I'm wasted? And not just personal, but work emails too? Bad, bad, bad habit.

I had fun talking with this guy last night. At the beginning of the night he didn't seem to care at all who I was and that bugged the shit out of me so my goal was to win him over...which I did. Mission accomplished. Just tell me I can't do something or someone doesn't like me and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to prove you wrong.

I got my karaoke on so about 75 lucky New Yorkers' ears were filled with my amazing smooth-as-silk voice (which is non-existent today because it's apparently not a good idea to have 7 drinks and scream "Be With You" by Mr. Big at the top of your lungs).

I was at the US Open all day today. Gotta love getting 5 hours of drunk sleep...waking up with mascara all over your face and an empty package of swiss cheese on the floor by your bed (I need to hit the grocery store)...sitting in the hot sun all day in the fear-of-heights-inducing "S" row of the 300 section...while wanting to puke up everything you put into your body the night before.

Cheers. Good stuff.

I'm mean...seriously? I haven't learned this lesson yet? I swear to God.

It actually wasn't that bad but it was more fun to exaggerate. It's the Southern girl in me.

I'm playing tennis with my roommate tomorrow. I do this to myself every time I watch a Grand Slam tournament. The pros make it look so easy I think, "This time when I play I'm going to hit the ball really well because I just needed to see how it's done again to refresh my memory." I spend an hour trying to find the one tennis skirt I own so I look like I play all the time...walk onto the court with the confidence of Roger Federer...proceed to hit the ball everywhere except where it's supposed to go...get more and more pissed off at how much I suck...cuss like a sailor...walk off the court with less tennis balls than when I arrived as I most certainly hit one, two or - who am I kidding - all three balls over the fence (Recent reports indicate that some of my miss hits are about to re-enter the Earth's orbit and one from a few years ago was unfortunately just downgraded to the status of "dwarf planet" which was a bummer)...then try to convince myself it's okay that I can't play the way I used to...and go do something I'm still good at. Like, watch TV. Or, make toast.

So that's what I'll be doing tomorrow.

Tidbit from the Wedding

This weekend I was, yet again, a real life reflection of that really super fun phrase, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" as I was a bridesmaid, yet again, in another wedding.

I'm always genuinely excited for these girls when they get engaged and ask me to be a special part of the ceremony. But soon after they tell me they're engaged and want me to be a bridesmaid my smile fades a bit and I proceed to go through some, if not all, of the following thoughts as they're telling me the story of how they got engaged:

"Awww, I'm so excited for her! She seems so happy!"
"When the fuck is it going to be my turn?"
"Whatever. I have a great life. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want."
"When was the last time I had sex?"
"I hope the bridesmaid dresses aren't A-line with a back zipper. I hate those. I have to hold in my gut the whole time."
"This is going to cost me a friggin' fortune. No vacation for me this year."
"I'm not the only single bridesmaid am I? Is there one that's at least bigger than me? I hate being the biggest bridesmaid."
"Will there be anyone to hook up with at the wedding?"
"If I have to suck on a penis straw I'm going to shoot myself."
"Alright, I won't shoot myself but I'll be really pissed."
"I gotta start working out."
"I'm in the mood for some ice cream."
"With sprinkles."

That all runs through my head in about 30 seconds. Then I say, "Your ring is GORRRRGEOUS!" I'm not lying or being insincere when I say that. They're all gorgeous. They're friggin' diamonds. You can't go wrong.

This particular wedding was in Middleburg, VA on Labor Day weekend. We had already gone to Montreal for the Formula 1 race as our bachelor/bachelorette party and incurred the expense of that trip. Now we had to fly to DC, rent a car, drive to Middleburg and get a hotel room for the wedding. I always bitch about the cost and logistical annoyance of these trips but in the end, once I'm there, I have a fabulous time.

Of course it's always more fabulous if there's a guy to hookup with at the wedding. I had met all of the groomsman in Montreal so I knew there were no potentials in that crew, but I was holding onto the minuscule hope that there'd be that one handsome, lonesome stranger that found my charm and hairsprayed up-do irresistible.

No such luck.

Oh, there was a lonesome guy there all right. But handsome he was not. He was about 5'3". Poor thing. He too was on the prowl for a wedding hookup and was hitting on me at the rehearsal dinner. Very flattering.......but no thank you. That night I joked about him with my friend who was sharing a hotel room with me (always lookin' for ways to cut the costs). Turns out she hooked up with him a couple times in the past and said he's weird. We joked about how big our bed is, how small he is and how funny the visual would be of this guy joining us.

Cut to the reception.

My friend that's sharing my hotel room is wasted and making out with Shorty McGee at a table in the back. Apparently he's not that weird. After the reception, I return to our hotel room and assume she went to his hotel to get her post-reception groove on. But oh no....she busts into the hotel room, hair looking like she was auditioning for the role of "Medusa," and giggles as she says:

Her: [whispering] "I'm gonna sleep with Joe."
Me: "That's great! You going over to his place?"
Her: [whispering] "No, here."
Me: ".........................Heh?"
Her: [whispering] "We won't do anything in the bed, I swear."

I tell her that this does not make me happy. Meanwhile Shortcake is pacing in the hallway, hands in his pocket, looking down with an "aw shucks" look on his face. I tell him to come in, it's fine. I'm still annoyed though but decide there's nothing I can do about it because I thought everyone was asleep and I have nowhere else to go. There are no cabs in this town, or street lights, so I can't kick the guy to the curb. He can't remember how to get to his hotel.

So there we are. The Happy Threesome. Me, Medusa and Sprout. So naive was I, the night before, as I joked about this exact scenario coming true.

Another bridesmaid knocks on the door, as she wants to return something she had borrowed earlier, sees all of us in the bed and with a what-the-hell-is-going-on-HERE tone asks, "Hey guys...what's......goin' ooooooon???"

I say, "Joe's spending the night! Isn't that fantastic?!"

Luckily, there were some other folks awake so I joined them downstairs in our Bed & Breakfast (in just a t-shirt that says "I [heart] Beer", by the way, as that's all I brought for PJ's) and one girl said I could sleep with her. She was the bastard child that got the tiniest room in the B&B that only had a pull out sofa. Thank God/Allah/Angelina Jolie for her. So instead of sleeping in my comfy, huge bed I was sharing a pull-out sofa while my friend gets it on with Pee Wee the Hook Up King.

At least she got some. If they had just passed out I would've been really pissed.

So I'm REALLY looking forward to my next wedding. It's in March. It's my sister's who's 8 years younger than me. And I'm her maid of honor. I can't wait for the convergence of free booze, my deep-seeded hatred of being single and a photographer capturing every goddamn moment for all time.

P.S. I just ate 2 chocolate bars and want to throw up.

Weekend update 9/4

Leigh's wedding was this weekend. Had a great time. Beautiful scenery. Free food and drink. Didn't get too drunk. No drama. Didn't flub my speech too badly. Caught up with some cool friends. Good stuff.

Leigh looked absolutely beautiful. Will post pictures as soon as I get them developed and get some from everyone who was there.

Everyone at work finally knows I'm leaving and a friend from high school is replacing me and was just officially hired 30 minutes ago. I feel so much better.

Now I get to sit back and wait a couple weeks for the next chapter of my life to begin. Very excited.

Hong Kong it is!

Surprisingly Good Song To Power Walk To

The Song: "Hazy Shade of Winter" by The Bangles

Why: Actually, not surprising as much as "Oh yeahhhh, THAT song!" The beat is perfect and since this song was in that movie, "Less Than Zero" it makes me think of druggies which makes me want to be the opposite of that - really in shape - which makes me walk fast.

I just report what goes through my head, people. I can't control it. So if you're thinking, "This chick is nuts!" then you might as well get off the friend bus now because it's only going to get worse the older I get.

Surprisingly Good Song To Power Walk To

Song: "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure

Why: The beat is timed perfectly for power walking and it reminds me of a guy named Jack Volker that I had a crush on in high school. He was a little on the punk side and was into The Cure. So it makes me think of him and how I liked him which makes me think of sex which makes me think about getting skinny so I can attract a boy to have sex with me.

Weekend update 8/27

Saw "Superbad" Friday night. AWESOME! I loved it. Michael Cera can do no wrong. He delivered one of the funniest lines I've ever heard in a movie. If you haven't seen his site www.clarkandmichael.com or the movie you should go now.

Saturday, despite the 92 degrees with 100% humidity, I decided to walk the Brooklyn Bridge. First went to Grey Dogs though for some good eats/energy. THEN walked to the bridge...walked to Brooklyn and back...then walked down to the financial district and sat across from the NYSE people-watching for awhile. Took some pictures. Then walked to the water and up to Battery Park and then up the West Side Hwy back home. Was walking for about 3 hours. I love this city!

Didn't go out Saturday night. Everyone is at their "house on Fire Island" and I didn't feel like it as I went out Wednesday and Thursday night with Bob Fisher (old friend from LA).

Had fun with Bob while he was in town though. Took me to Pearl Oyster Bar for the lobster rolls which I think are overrated. I'm becoming a food snob but I suppose that's what great NY restaurants will do to you.

Sunday I got the NY Times and had brunch at the counter at Balthazar. Had never eaten there before. GREAT French Toast. There was the proverbial, talkative, old, drunk guy sitting next to me. Drank a martini and then a beer. I made it clear that I was REALLY into my article about how China's falling apart by never letting my eyes deviate from the page. The second I was done with the article and put it down he leaned over and said, "I'm from Chicago." I thought, "Here we go. But maybe he'll be one of those cool old guys that once had drinks with Sinatra or something."

No such luck. He had a lot of nothing interesting to say and I felt bad because I had to make him repeat everything because I have horrible hearing and that place was loud. He was nice though.

Anyway...that was about it but it was another "I'm trying to appreciate all that NYC has to offer in case I have to leave" weekend.

My Aunt Cindi is in town this week because my cousin Kayla is going to a liberal arts school in the city. So we're all going to Artisinal tomorrow night. YUMMMMMMY!

To An Email Forwarder

Dear [email of offender],

We at [your email address] have enjoyed receiving email forwards from your account over the years, however we wish to make you aware of an important fact. Your use of the formerly popular "click forward and send" method of delivery results in the deletion of up to 90% of your emails.

We wish to continue our long-standing relationship so in that spirit, and in the spirit of technological progress, we’d like to suggest an alternate method of delivery. You see, by simply cutting and pasting the "meat" of your email and distributing that part - and only that part – to your friends and family you will save them years of frustration to come (alternately, if it’s a video/photo file please save the video to your desktop and then simply attach the file to your email).

Your stubborn insistence at using the "click forward and send" method - although admittedly much easier - infuriates us as we are forced to either (1) use a variety of computer troubleshooting tricks (along with magic and a strong belief in miracles) to find the point of your email, or (2) scroll through innumerable headers which list email accounts of recipients past (we admit it is an interesting look into the Six Degrees of Separation Theory, however the process severely dilutes our interest in your email while simultaneously chips away at our soul).

Now [your email address] does not shy away from a good challenge. Nay, we dare say the opposite is true. But enough is enough. A July 2007 study on the effects of receiving emails from your account concluded that we now suffer from the following ailments: deeper frown lines, loss of appetite, sleep deprivation, perfuse sweating, illicit drug use, vertigo, mysteriously bloody knuckles and a growing pile of broken laptops accruing on the ground outside our window.

It is therefore [your email address]’s request that you take time to reflect on the frustration you have caused not only [your email address] but tens, if not hundreds, of other accounts. It is our hope that after said reflection you will arrive at the only rational conclusion: Immediately ceasing and desisting the "click forward and send" method (aka "the way of the lazyass") and ease the suffering of countless email accounts while simultaneously catapulting your positive standing amongst the email community.

Your attention to this urgent matter will be much appreciated.

Respectfully Yours,
VP Sanity Protection
[your email address]

Nicknames

It's after 1am and I can't sleep. Why can't I sleep? Because my brain never shuts the fuck off. Tonight, instead of sleeping, it was thinking about how I have to give everyone a nickname so that when I describe that person to my roommate or my mom or someone who hasn't met most of these people...he/she knows who I'm talking about.

So then my brain started going through the list of all the nicknames I've given friends and I thought I would type it out. Oh, it won't help me sleep. No, no, silly. But at least my brain will be tired of this subject and move on to something else.

I'm tired of typing the phrase "my brain" so I think I shall give it a name.....how about....Robin Williams? Just for now until I think of something better. Or, Coked-Up Robin Williams? That's it. I shall call my brain Coked-Up Robin Williams. Think of how annoying that guy was in his hay day...and that's what my brain is like.

Luckily, no one I might have a shot with romantically will read this blog post because me suspects I just killed it right there. Having my name mentally attached to the image of a coked-up Robin Williams = no love for me.

That hairy back...[shudder]

Anyway...the fact that it is indeed after 1am will serve as my excuse for why anyone may have been left off the list. And none of these nicknames are meant to perfectly describe anyone. They're a means to an end. I say the name...the listener of my story now knows who I'm talking about...sound speed...aaaaaaaand ACTION.

Roommate From LA Sarah
My 2 Good Girl Friends From LA Remi & Carrie
Little Sister in Florida Kathryn
Girl I Stayed With in Brooklyn Amy
Asshole Ex-Boyfriend Dave
Toronto Joe
Adria the Model
My Friend That's Getting Married Leigh
Hot Actor Boy Jeffrey
My Old Boss Paul
Yoga Dan
Crazy Editor Girl Daley
Old Work Buddy Ramin
Bad Actor Guy I Lived With in LA Bruno
Lori Who Married Eric and Who Had That Wedding in Atlanta
Bob The Guy Who's Apartment I Always Stayed in When I Visited NY
Rich Cousin Randy
Guy I Had a Date with When I Went Home Over July 4th Chase
The Girl Managing the Blog With Me Alex
Bitter Guy at Work Gabe
My Boss in LA Roy
Navy Pilot Brett
Jake Who Hung Out With Julio and All of Us in High School
That Guy Who Owns Every Website Known To Man Mr. Diller
The Jenn That's Living in Atlanta but I Knew Her From UGA and LA
The Jenn That's Sometimes a Lesbian and Sometimes Not
My Friend Jessica Who I Know Through Leigh and White Water
My New Friend Jeannie
My New Friend Jeannine Not the Jeannie Girl but the Other One

Since I'm on the subject of nicknames I feel I must type out the list of the people from my LA Crew. I spent a LOT of my time with these guys and they have the BEST nicknames:

Chip
Skids
Charlie
Fuf (pronounced "foof")
D-Gus
RV
Clancy
Cam
Poisonella
Halloran
Ham
Ham (yes, there were two)
Tsubo
Probst
Kersey
Ayshe (pronounced "eye-shuh")
Mav
Chad & Macrae

That's it. It's 1:38am. Buh-byeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... WAIT! I forgot...oh, fuck it.

In Case Anyone's In NYC on Sept. 8th

Below is an email I just sent to friends in NYC. Thought I'd paste it here on the off-chance someone's in NYC on Sept. 8th and wants to go with me.

Hey guys,

I got all excited when my company's discount ticket program emailed me a couple months back about U.S. Open tickets. And in that excited haze, I bought tickets to 2 different sessions without doing any research or apparently, rational thinking.

So I'm now stuck with nosebleed seats for Saturday, Sept. 8th but I still want to go as this is a lifelong dream of mine having grown up chasing the little yellow fuzzies and all. I have two tickets for the 1st session at 11am (Woman's Finals) and two tickets for the 2nd session at 7pm (Men's Semi-Finals).

Tickets are $80 each. So if you want to go all day with me it'll cost you $160. BUUUUT as an added FREE bonus you'll also receive 12 continuous hours of my *sparkling* personality! That's an additional $5 value just for you...absolutely free! [echo effect...free, free, free) What a DEAL! Right?! Am I RIGHT?! I'll even throw in a hot dog and a coke for the first 2 takers. [sighhhhh]

These will no doubt be great matches to watch....on TV. You see, my roommate (a former pro tennis player) has informed me that it's exciting to be there but myself and the sucker I get to walk up 1,536 stairs with me to our shitty seats will surely need binoculars.

Can I sell, or can I sell? Huh? WHO'S WITH ME?!?!?! Don't wait! Call now! Operators are standing by (okay, it's me sitting at my computer in my X-Large "I Heart Guiness" T-shirt I got for free on St. Patty's Day...eating a Weight Watchers popsicle...well, my third popsicle...but, they're WEIGHT Watchers so they don't count...shut up).

Your serve,
Stacey

Weekend update 8/19

I had a great NYC weekend.

The weather was AMAZING!!! In the 70's and no humidity. I couldn't believe it. It was a great reminder that Fall's right around the corner. Put me in the best mood.

Friday night I went to a capoeira class. "A what?" you ask? Yeah, a CAPOEIRA class. It's a Brazilian martial art. I really enjoyed it for two reasons:

(1) It was the best workout I've ever had, and
(2) My teacher is pretty much the best looking specimen of a man I've EVER SEEN

And for that matter, everyone in the class is beautiful too. I've always known Brazilians and Argentinians are hot but I've never been to those countries so I didn't really get it until now.

Plus, there's a great jiu jitsu studio and I also saw guys wrestling as well which means....

I'VE FINALLY FOUND WHERE TO MEET MEN!!!! I'VE SOLVED THE MYSTERY!!!

Fuckin' capoeira/jiu jitsu/wrestling studios. Who'd've thunk it? And what's great about the capoeira class is that it's such a tough workout that everyone in the class bonds over how much their asses just got kicked so their all friends. I met 3/4ths of the people in the class. They're all so nice!

I haven't been this sore since the marathon. I could barely walk today. And I don't mean up and down stairs. Oh, that hurts like a bitch but I could barely walk in a straight line down the street.

So that was Friday night. Saturday I hung around the apartment then saw, "Becoming Jane" which was cute. Went jogging to try and squelch the Hot-Brazilian-Capoeira Pain I was experiencing. Didn't fucking work. I stayed home Saturday night and watched a HORRIBLE Lifetime movie (is there any other kind?) about a girl who was tired of her friends pressuring her to get married so she decided to marry herself. "I Me Wed" is what it was called. I think some marketing chick named Tiffany came up with that cute-almost-as-punny-as-sex-and-the-city title. Tiffany probably got promoted from Director to VP for that one.

Sunday I fixed a great breakfast. Went to the Richard Serra exhibit at the MoMA. AMAZING! I loved it! Also got lost in the other sections of the museum. Played eye-fuck with some cute guy that was probably 10 years younger than me - alriiiiiight, alright - 15 years. Took some pictures at the museum which felt really good. Haven't taken pictures in a long time.

I bought the NY Times and started reading about the real estate market as I gotta start boning up on what to invest in. Getting excited about my new job!

Then I went to see a great documentary, "The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters". GO SEE THIS MOVIE! It's only 87 minutes long and I - along with the rest of the audience - laughed my ass off and clapped at the end. It's about this guy Billy who has held the World Record score in Donkey Kong since 1982 and about the guy that challenged him. You're rooting for one of these guys like you root for "Rocky". SO, so good!

I tried to go see "Superbad" too but it was sold out. So I came home and decided to type this up.

The site's soft launch begins tomorrow. Ugh...

I'm free!

I just told my boss at the site that I'm leaving and I feel SO MUCH BETTER!

He took it well...much better than I thought he would. TOO good in fact. I wanted him to be a little more upset about my leaving but that's my typical ego going out of control.

I'm just glad the cat's out of the bag. Finally.

The site's more dysfunctional than ever so my leaving is a good decision if I were just basing it on that. Which I'm not. Cuz I'm gonna make tons o' money!

Life is good today :)

A Plan - Finally!

I'm going to start working for my cousin on Monday, Sept. 17th. Am going to go to Hong Kong after I start for 2-4 weeks to get into the flow of everything. Then I'll come back to NYC and will hopefully be able to continue living here. We'll see.

Now I just have to have the difficult conversation with my current boss about my leaving. I think telling him now will be better so I can say that I'm not leaving for a month. Will soften the blow vs. waiting for 2 more weeks and then giving just 2 weeks notice.

Ugh. Can't wait until this is all over! I want Operation Debt Payoff to commence.

Weekend update 8/13

Friday night I sat at home watching TV because I had to get up early in the morning to catch a train to Fire Island.

Caught the subway to get to Penn Station to get the train to Bayshore to get the shuttle to the ferry stop to get on the boat to Ocean Beach.

$40 later I'm at the beach. Fire Island is really cute. This is definitely the way to live in NYC. Having a share in a house during the summer. It's amazing how important it is to get out of the city on the weekends. Helps you mentally survive the craziness of the city the rest of the year.

My roommate is gay so it was me and 6 lesbians. Awesome. They're great ladies but after an entire day and night of talking about "energy" and "praying to the angels" and "feng shui" and "feelings" - I was ready for some men. Just so that the men can talk about sports or something and I could just sit there and not have to talk. But I didn't go to the straight bar. I was too lazy.

When we laid out on the beach my roommate talked the entire fucking time. I wanted to just rest, relax and be QUIET. Girls talk too much.

I was so impressed with the food, man. These lezzies can COOK! We had grilled seabass, asparagus, shrimp, scallops, salad, great wine, cheese, etc. I was in heaven.

My boss from the website called me as I was waiting for my train back to the city to go over things about the site. Didn't have much info for me other than we need to prepare for a launch but the launch could still not happen. He's not making it easy for me to pick a date to leave. It's driving me nuts. I just want to leave. I think he can sense that I'm no longer enthused about the site but he still has no idea that I'm ready to give my 2 weeks notice.

I'm not looking forward to that phone call.

It's only a matter of time though......

I'm Saved

Not to be overly dramatic, but my cousin is saving my life.

He offered me a job yesterday. Here's the details:

Salary - $80k/year + a $20k bonus + benefits (this is almost doubling what I make now)

Location - We're going to try it out for the first 6 weeks or so with me NOT living in Hong Kong. If that goes well, I can live in either NYC or Atlanta. He doesn't care. I'll take extended trips every now and then to Hong Kong when needed. He pays for the flights and I get the miles. If he decides that he needs me to move then I'll go.

Hong Kong - If I move there he'll pay all my expenses (rent, utilities, etc.)

Time Commitment - None. I can quit whenever I want. No hard feelings.

Job duties - Travel arrangements for he and his family. Some financial stuff for his family. Coordinating their big move to London next year. Other small things here and there. That's it. He said, "So you'll have free time to do your photography or whatever you want to do."

London - They're moving there this time next year. He's going to fly me out there a couple times so I can get a feel for what it's like and see if I want to live there. If I do move there he'll pay for my rent and utilities there as well. So even though London is so expensive I'll actually be able to have a life there. A good one.

Start Date - He's flexible.

I'm finding out by the beginning of next week if the site I'm working for is launching on August 20th. If it is then I'm going to stay there for the 1st 2 weeks of the launch to help them work out any kinks and see what the work load is like. If it's a lot of work and I wouldn't be able to do both jobs at the same time then I'll give them my notice 2 weeks after launch.

If the site doesn't take up that much time I'm going to talk with Randy to see if he minds me working at both places for another month or two so I can pay off some debt. I suspect he won't like that though because part of the appeal of hiring me is that I can go to Hong Kong for a month on a moment's notice. If I have another job that's no longer the case. But it won't hurt to ask.

Job Growth Potential - Randy said, "If you do some studying and if you're interested, I'll give you say, $20 million, and ask you to invest it. We'll see how you do. If you do well then I'll give you $200 million to invest and we'll keep going."

I said, "[Siiiiiiiiiilence] Huh. Interesting.
I thought, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

I majored in Finance and although I don't remember ANYTHING from my major at least the aptitude is there. Since I won't be working too hard for him I'll have plenty of free time to read all the finance/business trades and get up to speed with that world. And I'll actually find that section of the paper interesting now that I have a vested interest. Not sure what my cut of that will be but whatever it is I'll take it.

I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW I COULD CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO DOES THIS HAPPEN TO? WHAT BAD THING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME TO BALANCE IT OUT?

Maybe I'll be all alone in life, but you know what? I'll be rich and I can sleep with a big fat wad of Benjamin's next to me. I'll even give them their own pillow.

So I'll start working for him in mid-September...try it out for awhile and if I don't have to move to Hong Kong then I'll decide if it's worth it to stay in NYC and pay rent or if I should just go ahead and move home to Atlanta and pay off my debt that much sooner by living with Mom & Dad.

I have $23k of debt and I could pay that off in 6 months if I didn't have rent. Maybe I could live at home for awhile and when I get bored move to Hong Kong. Since Randy will pay for my rent there I might as well have the adventure. Travel to places in Asia I haven't been yet.

I don't know what I would've done without this job offer. I've been looking for months for something else but haven't found anything that would pay me well enough. And this site bores the shit out of me even though it would be a dream job for someone else. I just don't care about it. So the thought of working there for a long time depressed the hell out of me.

My dream is to actually do a good job with the investing and make some money so my dad doesn't have to sell office furniture anymore and can go ahead and retire. He just told me yesterday that he's probably going to have to work for another 10 years before he's financially ready. Hopefully I can work hard and shorten that to 3 years for him.

THEN I'll buy a pair of shoes for myself.

LIFE IS GOOD!

And yes...if I ever leave this job I'll be asking my friends if any of them want it :)

Master Cleanse - Day 4

There will be no more cleansing. OHHHH, no. I'm all clean now. Need food.

I was supposed to just have OJ today and then have soup for dinner. I had OJ until about 3pm and it's not like I was even hungry but I just MISSED food.

So I went to Whole Foods and spent about $150 on groceries. Had to buy a lemon zester and a garlic press which added about $35 to the total. But still. I went a little nuts.

But I had soup for lunch and I made myself the BEST dinner.

Thanks to Martha Stewart's website I made a papaya-mango-pineapple salsa...put that on my salmon. Then I made a zucchini orzo salad. SO YUMMY!!!

And now my gut is sticking out so far I look 4 months pregnant, but I don't care.

HELLO, FOOD!!! I'M BACK!!!

Try the zucchini side dish...so good! Recipe is on Martha's site.









A good side effect of not eating is that I'm all about cooking now instead of eating crap. I want each meal to be amazing. We'll see how long that lasts...

These posts have been so boring recently. The only real thing I have going on is with my cousin (that sounds bad). He said that I wouldn't have to move to Hong Kong at first so I can stay in NY and just take extended trips to Hong Kong. If he decided that he needed me there I'd have to move but at least I wouldn't have to go just yet. I'm not DYING to live there for a whole year. That's a long time. Then, when he moves to London he said it'd probably be best if I were there with them but we can play it by ear. Would be amazing to be able to stay in NY and travel back and forth between Hong Kong and here and then London and here. That's ideal! He'll pay for the flights and I'll get the frequent flyer miles!!!

I'm still waiting to have the money conversation with him. He's checking with his company about the money and benefits as I would be hired into the company as his Executive Assistant.

Meanwhile, the site's supposed to launch in 2 weeks. We'll see....

Master Cleanse - Day 3

Today's battle was tough. I ran out of ammo and had to call for reinforcements. I almost lost ground today but I persevered and plan on winning this WAR! My war against HUNGER.

Today's the last day of the lemonade/pepper shit. Tomorrow all I can have is OJ. No food. Then Friday I drink OJ all day and can fiiiiiinally have vegetable soup Friday night!

I'm so sick of drinking citrus-y drinks.

Who's idea was this anyway? I can't wait to eat a big salad on Sunday. Until then this'll be me: